Title: Captured by Cavemen
Author: Laura Bliss
Length: 11 inches. NO, SORRY. 20 pages.
The first page of chapter one puts us at the 5% (locations 14-16 of 245) mark. Oh yeah. That’s the sign of a story that’s going to get down to business.
And it does: We have mildly lesbian shaving by 12%, voyeurism at 29%, and the heroine has sex with a professor at 49%. What we don’t have are any cavemen, at least not until 70%/location 175, when they show up to kidnap the heroine and Larissa, the “slutty” girl. Of course the slutty girl gets it from a caveman first because OF COURSE SHE DOES. The book ends when it’s the heroine’s turn.
Things that make me side-eye the female-sounding-pseudonym: Larissa plays with her own breasts; the virgin of the group casually plays with the heroine while shaving her; “I didn’t bother wiping my slit after pissing.”; “This time it wasn’t my stomach that had the sinking feeling it was my groin.”
Money quote: “I drank a bottle of wine and tried to read a book. I picked a romance novel with some sappy heroine who didn’t recognize a good fuck when she was offered one and that just frustrated me even more.” (locations 104-7; 42%). SHOTS FIRED, Y’ALL.
Oh HELL no: “Larissa screamed each time he filled her cervix…” CERVIXES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY.
Verdict: Ludicrous and entertaining, and FREE RIGHT NOW, so yeah. Go read it. Better yet, read it out loud to someone.