Author: Chuck Tingle
When the most notorious bigfoot pirate, Lorko the Black, is killed off the coast of Santa Monica, a man named Andy begins to feel a mysterious throbbing in his balls. After a trip to the doctor, Andy soon learns that what seemed like a coincidence is actually an acute case of haunted balls, and the only prescription is a bigfoot ghost pirate gangbang!
“But don’t get too excited.” Dr. Torp tells me. “You’re still in a world of trouble. I’m afraid your balls are haunted.” (loc 56)
I gasp in astonishment, completely blindsided by this revelation. “Lorko the Black has been gay this whole time?” I ask. “That’s amazing.” (loc 112)
Verdict: I am never going to get over how the main character calmly accepts “haunted balls” as a diagnosis, but then is completely shocked by the revelation that the ghost is gay. Right. Because that’s the shocking bit.