Title: Top Horn: Turned Gay by the Unicorn Pilots

Author: the immortal Chuck Tingle

top hornWhatWhat: After Nick catches his girlfriend cheating, he joins the air force (as one does) and qualifies to be on an elite squad of fighter pilots, but all the other pilots in his squad are unicorns (because of course they are). He wins their respect and they have group human-unicorn sex.

Money Quotes:

Never before had I desired another man, or anything with a cock for that matter, but these unicorns have a charisma that is hard to ignore. (loc 96)

How could I not have realized that my ex-girlfriend had been an elite T-rex spy this entire time? (loc 138)

“Peanut butter! Sparkles! You two hit them with covering fire!” Shouts Briggs over our headsets. “Black Stallion you cover the rear! The rest of you take the guard planes while me and the new guy go straight for the bomber.”

“My name is Nick.” I tell them. “But you can call me…Clover.” (loc 146)

Verdict: If that last quotation doesn’t make you want to read this, I can’t help you, man. YOU CAN CALL ME CLOVER. I actually might whisper that to my husband in bed sometime just to watch his reaction.