Author: Chuck Tingle
WhatWhat: Entrusted with the task of delivering a mysterious wooden box from the president to Einstein, cowboy Billy Brucko is set upon by a glass of chocolate milk, who quickly splashes out two other chocolate milk cowboys. After the gunfight the dying Billy opens the box to discover a device that will propel him to an alternate, gayer timeline.
…What? It doesn’t matter how many times you reread that summary: it’s never going to make any more sense than that. Perhaps some quotations will help?
Slowly, I look up and see the barrel of my own weapon pointed straight down at me. Holding it steady is a large glass of chocolate milk. (loc 78)
“It is a place that we have come to know as the Tingle-verse. Use with great caution, the Tingle-verse is a strange and erotic place, but if we can find a way to harness its power, we could soon find true utopia. I invented it. Signed, President Borchatok.” (loc 115)
“Do you like that fat dairy dick?” The chocolate milk asks me in his deep, soulful voice. “Do you love it up your tight gay asshole?” (loc 224)
I cum harder than any being ever has, or ever will, and then literally become the universe, which is now made of abs. (loc 270)
Verdict: I’m still puzzling over President Borchatok. That name sounds totally Bigfoot to me, but surely if there’d been an American Bigfoot President I’d have heard about it. Unless maybe Billy’s original timeline is the weird one, and the Tingle-verse is our universe. It’s Chuck Tingle’s world, we just live in it? I may be over-thinking this.
Edited to add: My husband summed it up best: “I wish I could Nesquik you.”