I honestly had a hard time not titling this post OMG YOU GUYS I’M IN A CHUCK TINGLE NOVEL. Because I am. I make a brief cameo as reviewer Decha Mahl, and then I turn out to be a well-endowed gay dinosaur. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Title: Lonely Author Pounded by Dinosaur Social Media Followers

Author: Chuck Tingle

lonely author

WhatWhat: Award-winning erotica author Buck Trungle struggles with depression, and turns to his followers on the social media platform Torter for comfort. One by one his fellow Torterers show up to disclose that they are, in fact, gay dinosaurs; sex and existentialism follow in short order, and Buck feels much better.

Buck Trungle’s Torter Followers:

Bunter Cox

Dennard Lelaney

Seeky Darsust

Borb Ryrnes

Decha Mahl

Benny Baffe

Persace Tad

Cannah Hatherine

From Zubfeed Magazine:

Kenna Nuillaume

Watt Mitebed

The Plight of an Author:

It’s not so much that I can’t coax out an original idea, more like I find myself hating every original idea that happens to be coaxed. (loc 4)

Money Quotes:

“All of you?” I shout, throwing my hands up into the air. “Each and every one of you is just a gay dinosaur?” (loc 104)

Personally I Hope Dennard is Thrilled:

The author considers whether or not Dennard will be bothered by his inclusion in this book, and then decides that it’s probably fine. (loc 177)

The Best Line Tingle Has Ever Written:

“So what’s the big red button?” I ask, trying to get as many answers as I can before the sex starts and it all goes to hell. (loc 185)

Verdict: I phoned my husband at work to tell him about this. Seriously. But as the hours wore on and night fell I started to experience a kind of terror. What if I AM a gay dinosaur? Or what if I’m not, but just like the dinosaurs and Buck are in Chuck Tingle’s book, Chuck Tingle and I are just in someone else’s book? I CAN’T SLEEP.

But I loved the book. Now my life’s goal is to seek out fellow Torterers and possibly review their books. Or join them for some light teleportation, whatever.