Title: Taken to Jamaica Two
Author: Countess von Fondle
WhatWhat: The virginal Amber Avery finally gives it up to billionaire Unicorn Dinosaur Trevor Thor, who then asks her to be his girlfriend (under contract, like another much less charming perma-virgin). But giving it up to him (on his private island, Jamaica Two) triggers an ancient dino-related prophecy. Oh, and he has wings now, because of his love for Amber and also because of a shark attack. It makes perfect sense in context.
Oh, Amber, Honey:
And a shark was still attacking me. Oh, crap! I’d forgotten. (loc 86)
Was this whole, strange affair with Trevor just an elaborate set-up to lure me to the island for gladiatorial combat? I might have punched a shark in the eyeball, but I couldn’t kill another person.
No, I was just being paranoid. I probably could kill a person if I had to. (loc 135)
Verdict: I know I keep saying it, but twelve-year-old me would have loved this series un-ironically (and probably without fully understanding that the author wasn’t dead serious). Amber is like an Anna Steele written by a master, someone who sees and treasures her every idiocy and her epically plebian tastes.* Every scent, taste, sex scene and reference to ballet was perfect. I would bet cash money that Amber owns a ballerina-music box and Lisa Frank stickers.
*As opposed to actual Anna Steele, who appears to have been written by someone who shares her every idiocy and plebian taste.