Author: The Immortal Chuck Tingle
WhatWhat: In order to feel like a real man with a big dick, obnoxious dentist Dr. Milber pays to go kill a beautiful unicorn, but instead finds himself overcome with gay desire and letting the unicorn mount him, in the non-trophy sense of the word mount.
Don’t get me wrong, I get hard just thinking about pulling another tooth or shooting a wolf in the face, but is that really all there is to life? (loc 35)
I reach down and pull off my shirt, revealing an incredible set of abs that can only be attained after years of strenuous dentistry. (loc 295)
That sentence is a thing of beauty.
Verdict: This feels inevitable, somehow. Dr. Tingle’s ability to react instantaneously to current events by shooting out streams of erotica is amazing and, frankly, a little terrifying.
Sadly, this was a little shorter than most Tingle efforts; the second half is a reprint of Angry Man Pounded By The Fear Of His Latent Gayness Over a Dinosaur Transitioning Into a Unicorn. But that feels fitting, in a way.