You know I am.
The Bro-Jobbers’ Club #1: Ken’s Big Throbbing Idea
© Mecha Dahl 2015. All rights reserved.
Cover art created from elements © Can Stock Photo Inc. by Pakhnyushchyy and prometeus.
I first get the idea one Friday night, watching my buddy Jim phoning up women in a futile effort to hook up for some uncomplicated sex.
Thing is, Jim’s in a long-term relationship with a beautiful woman, and dude’s incapable of lying. So instead of telling these women they’d broken up or were on a break or something, he was being honest and laying it all out there: he was still in love with Dixie so no, he wasn’t looking for a date-date, just a chance to let off some steam and…by about the third hang-up I was wincing right along with him.
It’s painful to listen to, and it definitely isn’t working.
That’s when it comes to me.
“You know what would be great?” I say when he sets his phone aside with a heavy sigh.
“A fresh pool of women who haven’t seen me with Dixie?” he says sarcastically.
“No. Well, I mean yes, but that’s not gonna happen. Face it: you’re a committed man.”
“Committed as in crazy, or are we still talking about Dixie?”
I grin appreciatively. Jim’s always been big into banter. His whole group of former high school friends are, actually. Sometimes I feel a bit dumb around them. They’re all doctors and lawyers and whatever. I’m a pro surfer with a tidy inherited trust fund, but I know my limitations, and I’m no genius.
I’ve had a genius idea this time, though.
I run one hand through my blond hair, trying to choose my words carefully. I know what I am about to suggest might come off a bit weird, but if I could get Jim and a few other on board, this could change our lives.
“You’re having the same problem we all have,” I say slowly. “Take me and Bebe. I love her to bits, and I’d do anything for her. I could never risk breaking her heart by cheating on her with another woman.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Jim sighs, and grabs his own copper-red hair with both hands in an exaggerated gesture of frustration. “I know, man. You’re right. I shouldn’t even be looking for meaningless sex.”
“No, no,” I interrupt hastily. “That’s not where I’m going with this at all. Look, Jim, it’d break the girls’ hearts to think we were with some other chick, but I’m not trying to guilt-trip you for wanting it. You’re a guy. Sometimes you just want a blowjob or a quick fuck, without anyone having to talk about their feelings beforehand. And afterward. Without even having to have feelings, am I right?”
He sits back and looks at me thoughtfully. “You are right, yes. But that brings us right back to cheating, doesn’t it? Unless you were about to suggest hookers, and if you were, let me rule that out immediately. I’m not interested in paying for anything nasty, catching anything nasty, or being photographed coming out of a whorehouse.”
Jim’s a lawyer, like his dad. He’s pretty image conscious. He runs a camp for under-privileged kids on the side, strictly as a charitable thing, though I’m guessing it doesn’t hurt his taxes any. The last thing he needs is to tarnish his image with a scandal.
“No. What we need is a completely safe, completely meaningless outlet. Sex and nothing else, except for the bro loyalty code, of course. That’s how we’d know we were safe.”
I’m getting more and more excited as the idea takes shape in my mind. “We form a club. Only the guys we trust the most can ever know it exists. Whenever one of us is horny, but not in the mood to deal with feminine conversation or a whole lot of pointless chatter, we log on to a private forum and make the arrangements.”
Jim frowns at me. “It’s a great idea, Ken, except for one thing. Who the hell’s providing the sex?”
Maybe I’m not the dumb one in our circle after all. I fold my arms across my chest and smirk at him, smug and confident. “Dude,” I say with exaggerated patience. “Don’t you get it? We are.”
It takes a bit more argument, but once I’ve reassured him that this is just a matter of convenience, not something gay or weird or anything, he gets totally on board. “So who do we get to join?” he asks.
Awkward. I don’t really want to have a conversation about which of our friends is attractive. I tell Jim so, and he agrees, suggesting we think strictly in terms of who was most trustworthy, best able to keep a secret, likely to be as horny as we were, and of course, completely and utterly straight. That last part is non-negotiable for both of us.
“Todd,” Jim suggests, maybe a little too fast. I look at him out of the corner of my eye. Is he saying he was attracted to Todd?
I mean, Todd is a pretty handsome guy. He’s played basketball since high school, and his dark hair and well-muscled bod are undeniably attractive to women. He’s been dating the same two chicks since high school, too: blonde twins. Sometimes it gets ugly, but mostly both ladies have decided to ignore the situation, each concentrating on her own relationship with Todd and each sure she’s the real girlfriend and the other one will turn out to be temporary.
Thing is, he loves them both; he’s confided that in us several times, usually when he’s drunk. He wants to marry Elly and have Jessi be his lifelong mistress. But Jessi’s the jealous type, and Elly’s very moral and a bit into women’s lib, so I can’t see that ever happening for real. As it is he spends more time listening to them talk about their feelings about the situation than he does boning either one of them.
If there’s any man on the planet who could use some uncomplicated sex, it’s Todd.
That’s probably why Jim’s suggesting him, I decide with relief.
“Sure, why not?” I agree casually, as if I don’t care either way. Which I don’t. Except now that I’m really considering it, my heartbeat speeds up a little. I can’t help picturing Todd’s tight ass in gym shorts, and then I get a flash of what it would be like to have him kneel in front of me and offer to suck me off.
My dick twitches. I need to stop thinking about this stuff. The best plan, I decide, is to not ever think about it or talk about it until we’re ready to do it, then make the arrangements fast, get it done, and never talk about it again. I say so.
“Absolutely,” Jim says huskily, his voice shaking a bit. He turns away abruptly and goes to stare out the window of my beach house for a minute. I’ve got a great view of the ocean, but I wonder is it really admiration of my real estate that’s motivating him, or has his cock sprung inconveniently to life as well?
Wow, we’re really going to have to be careful not to let this get gay.
To be continued…