Yes. Yes, of course it does. You know, some days I can’t tell if I’m drunk or not.

Title: The State of California Stalks My Gay Butthole

Author: Chuck Tingle

the state of california stalks my gay butthole

WhatWhat: Plurk Borden meets the state of California in Miami (look, I DON’T KNOW EITHER, all right?), and what at first seems like a chance encounter turns out to be something more sinister: California has been stalking him ever since Plurk’s vacation in California a year ago.

Quotations. Quotations will help it all make sense.

Money Quotes:

The thing is, it looks exactly like him; tall with tan skin and broad shoulders, a little crooked to the right and a vast empire of agriculture throughout the middle. (loc 6)

…absolutely delicious in a manly kind of way. (loc 45)

I scoff. “Please,” I tell him, “it doesn’t count if it’s a state. I’d never bang a dude, but locations are a totally different thing.” (loc 92)

Can’t argue with him there.

…turning the skies above an imperial violet. (loc 109)

I can feel his mountains and valleys, his rivers and forests, deserts and incredibly toned abs. (loc 224)

…as I lose all sense of spatial relativity. (loc 329)

You and me both, dude.

Verdict: Am I losing my mind, or have the last couple of Tingle’s stories been shorter than his usual? This one is bundled with the President Bigfoot one, though, so it’s still worth the price. The sheer manic surreality of it is breathtaking.