If I’ve learned one thing from reading Chuck Tingle (and actually, I’ve learned SEVERAL), it’s that you can never take his titles too literally.

Title: Dan Bigfootzerian Parties in my Butthole with his Billionaire Lifestyle

Author: Chuck Tingle

dan bigfootzerian

WhatWhat: Pippy Kones is tired of his lower middle class lifestyle, struggling to pay the bills and distracting himself with reality television stars and their unattainable lifestyle. When billionaire Bigfoot playboy Dan Bigfootzerian asks fans to send him photos of their calves, Pippy’s are the best, so he gets whisked away to a life of luxury and gay sex.

Money Quotes:

Dan Bigfootzerian is a fascinating character, a modern day Gatsby with long, brown covering his entire body and a scent that is both musky and intriguing. (loc 159)

“I want you to be pounded by my billionaire lifestyle,” explains the monster, “I want you to know what it’s like to take thousands of dollars up your asshole. This is the way of all rich men and bigfeet.” (loc 285)

Verdict: This is either a profound meditation on the class system in America or…no, no, it’s that. I’m going with profound.

I have to say, though, I’m amazed Pippy can get it up after being called a “hunky buckaroo” (loc 210). You’d think that would wither even the most determined erection.