Title: Monday Pounds Me In The Butt
Author: Chuck Tingle
WhatWhat: Wimbs’ love of partying makes it harder and harder to drag his ass to work on time, but when he tells his boss that Monday pounds his butt, his boss assumes they’re dating. Assumes Monday and Wimbs are dating, that is, because this is a Chuck Tingle story. Wimbs pays Monday to show up at a work event as his date, but then there’s buttsex and the universe collapses.
“I’ve always been with you, pounding your heart’s butt.” (loc 200)
From this day forward I will see Monday for what he really is: A necessary day of the week, and a truly phenomenal lover. (loc 305)
Moments later, we are ripped into a billion tiny pieces, melding with the universe as it collapses around us. (loc 346)
There’s that copyrighted strand again:
I come back up sputtering and gasping for air, a long strand of saliva hanging between my lips and Monday’s member. (loc 228)
Verdict: I’m impressed that such an easy-to-relate-to title could so quickly become this surreal. The ending isn’t a happy, romantic one, though (and most of Tingle’s are!); it’s downright unsettling.