Title: Oppressed in the Butt by my Inclusive Holiday Coffee Cups

Author: Chuck Tingle

oppressed in the butt

WhatWhat: Former preacher Jabua Fogstein is so distressed by Starbutts new coffee cups that he passes out, hitting his head on the counter and ending up in hospital, where he’s visited by the inclusive well-endowed cups themselves. It’s as fantastic as it sounds, and I’m not even being sarcastic: this was satisfying to read.

Money Quotes:

I’m looking out over the edge of a sleigh several that is miles up in the sky, and sitting next to me are both Jesus and Santa Clause, each of them incredibly ripped and shirtless. (loc 54)

“Your wife tells us that you spend most of the year making videos for the Internet and preparing for Starbutts Christmas cups,” the nurse reveals. (loc 150)

“Do you like the way I beat those thick, gay, non-denominational holiday cocks?” (loc 247)

Most Sensual Line:

Not necessarily giving them away, either, because even though gifts are wonderful, they can’t compare to the sensual pulse of a credit card swipe through a virgin machine. (loc 6)

Verdict: It says a lot about my life choices that this is the third coffee erotica I’ve consumed, and I’ve also done the doughnut one and one with a gingerbread man. But this was delicious in its ability to poke fun at current events without ever actually sounding mean.