Title: Trump Temptations: The Billionaire and the Bellboy

(or possibly Trump Temptation: The Billionaire and the Bellboy. It depends on whether you’re looking at the book cover or the Amazon listing.)

Author: Elijah Daniel

trump temptations

WhatWhat: Exactly what it says on the tin.

Money Quotes:

I was stacking someone’s tacky luggage when the door behind me swept opened. My loins trembled as the scent of toupee adhesive and spray tan swept through my nasal cavity. (loc 24)

“I need you to bring these bags up to my room.” He said sternly, like a grandfather upset that a news broadcast interrupted Jeopardy. (loc 35)

Damn it, every time the Space Grammarians try to enjoy their retirement some new writer who can’t punctuate dialogue pops up and summons them back to action.

He could have me immediately had me fired for this, but he didn’t. Instead, he smiled and continued to hop on the elevator. What is happening? Am I losing my mind? (loc 41)

No, you’re losing control of your tenses. It’s not pretty, but it can be cured.

The only thing I knew was that I wanted to ride the elevator to the top of his Trump Tower. He moved closer, putting his cold, dead lips on my neck. I shivered with excitement. His hands felt like an old dried out gingerbread house. I was in love. (loc 104)

Verdict: I wanted to love this. I almost did. But most of the jokes, when you get right down to it, are merely making fun of someone for being old and unattractive, and the sex scene ended before there was any actual sex. The author’s note at the beginning is among the best I’ve ever read, though. Spoiler alert: Trump is a dinosaur in this. I know two stories don’t make a subgenre, but….I’m totally calling it: Political Dinosaur Erotica is an emerging subgenre.