Title: Huxley Humped Me: Puppet Pregnancy

Author: Jade


WhatWhat: For her nineteenth birthday Annabel’s parents give her a limited edition collectible puppet from her favourite childhood television show. She’s recently broken up with her boyfriend, who was cheating on her; the news that his new girlfriend is pregnant is the last straw. Luckily her puppet, Huxley, knows just how to comfort her: by pulling out his (presumably fabric?) erection and stuffing her.

Money Quotes:

Her father was holding in front of her, a limited edition collectable puppet from Annabel’s favourite childhood cartoon, his name was Huxley. (loc 48)

Ouch. Those commas are making my eyes hurt, and that should be “collectible.”

Annabel worked for Kmart as a check out girl, just trying to make enough money to pay for some of her study fees. She was studying to be a kindergarten teacher and didn’t want to burden her parents with the expense of books and stationary and all that nonsense. (loc 76)

“Books and stationary and all that nonsense.” Yes, dear, I’m sure you’ll be a credit to the teaching profession.

The thought of that ho-bag having Marco’s baby was almost too much for her. They should have been her future babies carrying his last name and striking features! (loc 99)

Maybe the ho-bag likes books, though. Just putting that out there.

“Oh, you’re asking if I’m packing?” Huxley laughed, ripping off his pants. “What do you reckon baby?”

Huxley was enormous, far too obscene for the star of a children’s show. (loc 159)

Yes, puppets on children’s shows should have small, respectable penises, damn it all.

Verdict: This one has a heartening moral: the things we loved in childhood can be a source of comfort to us when things get tough. Also, if your cheating boyfriend knocks up a stripper you can always go fuck a puppet. Seriously, though, this was incredibly entertaining, even though I’ll be side-eyeing the Muppets from now on.

There are bonus stories included as well, and I have to review at least one of them, but I’ll do them separately.