Title: The Thing That Tore Us Apart (bonus story included with Huxley Humped Me)

Author: Jade

I know this has nothing to do with the story, but the story was included in this book.

WhatWhat: Michael and Molly go on their honeymoon, only because the trip is being funded by resentful friends, they end up in a cabin in a tropical jungle that features strangely sexual trees. Molly ends up giving birth to, I don’t know, an alien cantaloupe or something.

Money Quotes:

Michael and Molly were the perfect couple. Every one of their single friends couldn’t stand them and their unhappily married friends liked them even less. So when they announced they were getting married, the responses ranged from vomiting on the spot in jealousy, to smug satisfaction that they would soon be as unhappy as everybody else. (loc 217)

That’s the best opening I’ve read in ages.

With a branch up his anus and his cock rubbing up against the bark, Michael couldn’t help but feel very stimulated, and he looked down to see a drop of pre-cum escaping his prick-head. (loc 314)

Verdict: This was bizarre, but also well-written and addictively readable.