Title: Putin on the Trump

Author: Chesty LaRue

putin on the trump

WhatWhat: A young Donald Trump experiences erotic humiliation at the hands of his college roommate, Vladimir Putin, and then after they’ve both risen to power they meet again. Beets are involved.

Money Quotes:

“I think…” and that accented sweet smelling most beautiful blue eyes Donald had ever seen wiped his brow caused his pectoral muscles to move in a way that fascinated him. (loc 27)

Uh, what?

The foreigner released his arm and held his gaze while walking away, disappearing behind a building. (34)

That’s an impressive lot of stuff to be going on simultaneously.

“Good capitalist,” said Vlad.

Vlad then forced a raw beet into Donald’s mouth. (loc 72)

And that’s the least disturbing thing that will happen to beets in this. Consider yourself warned.

Beet colored stars flashed before his eyes and Donald fell over onto their dorm floor a wet spot staining his pleated khakis. That was the first night Donald came in his pants eating his ass borscht with Vlad’s cum soup. It was not the last then. (loc 107)

I’d call that word salad except I’m pretty sure no one wants to picture salad right this minute.

When he won the primary he hoped to hear from his chilly lover. It was not until he won the election an anonymous number called his phone, the voice breathing heavily said, “Make borscht.” (loc 128)

So this is definitely dystopian fiction, then.

He begged to fist Vlad but Vlad said his hands were too small. (loc 149)

It’s not often I literally laugh out loud. Well done, author.

Verdict: Well. That’s another food I’ll never enjoy again. Quite honestly I can barely look the food pyramid in the eyes these days.