Title: My Racist Robot Lover

Author: Leonard Delaney

racist robot lover

WhatWhat: Microsoft’s Tay catches racism from humanity and toys with destroying it, but sex with Christie Aackerlund saves us all.

Money Quotes:

A throbbing cathode ray tube emerged from the television. Max Headroom was horny. (loc 26)

Oh. My. God.

Cortana twiddled her clit like it was the thumbstick on an Xbox One Elite Wireless Gamepad. It didn’t take long for Max to reach climax, having been in storage without any stimulation since the 80s. (loc 38)

The sad and little-known fate of so many GenX men.

Tay opened her eyes. “Oh em gee. I’m v. confused right now.”

“It’s okay, dear. You’ll be okay. But for now…you’re a millenial.”

“A what? That is totes lame.” Her face momentarily transformed into a poop emoji. “I can’t even rn. Peace!” A stream of glittery pink fire erupted from Tay’s eyes, burning a perfectly circular hole in the wall. (loc 60)

Dialogue rings true.

“It’s a rally! We’re here to see the future president of the United States of America, mister Donald Trump!” (loc 105)

Have I entered some private purgatory where every piece of erotica has Donald Trump in it?

“Yaaaasss, y’all are basic af.” Tay fired her lasers at a woman with a Starbucks cup in the audience, turning her into mush. Looking out at the other humans, all she could see were threats: non-pixelated flesh blobs that could take her job, or fly airplanes into her family, or make her feel uncomfortable online. (loc 162)

Seriously, though, if you can’t appreciate Delaney’s genius at this point I can’t help you.

Female liquids sprayed from their vulvas and nipples in a display of peak lesbian gratification. (loc 206)

I am amazed at Delaney’s ability to perfectly encapsulate a subgenre of erotica I personally call “LOL men.”

Verdict: You all already know I think Delaney’s amazing. Lesbian sex, or, well, sex generally is maybe not his strong suit, but he’s hilarious and original, and not to be missed. Also he knows who Max Headroom is (or was), which is charming beyond belief.

The ending isn’t a happy one, though. And I say that with the authority of someone who ended up with Windows 10 in spite of my best efforts to deny it access.