Never have I been more glad that the cover art did not reflect the specific plot of a book.


Title: Comfort in Your Arms

Author: Salty Salmon

WhatWhat: Bernie and Obama comfort each other after the election.

Money Quotes:

Bernie nodded, swallowing thickly. “Hillary should have won.”

“No,” Barack replied, reaching out and wiping a single tear from Bernie’s cheek. “You should have won.” (loc 5)

Okay, I just laughed out loud. Nice deployment of romantic cliches in a hilariously-inappropriate setting, author. Well done.

“Where are you taking me?” Bernie asked. A laugh escaped Barack, like a gorilla escaping at the zoo. (loc 8)

Cannot tell if Harambe reference or unreconstructed racism.

Fairy lights twinkled around the edges of the room, giving the whole area an iridescent glow much akin to the fairy-lit glow of a shitty YouTuber’s bedroom,… (loc 15)

Laughing again. I’m inclined to call “Harambe shout-out” on that last quote now, just because of this one.

“I’m fifty shades of socialist, Bernie.” (loc 19)

“Do you have any tingly lube?” a saucy smile overtook Bernie’s kind, wrinkled face as he spoke. “I love a little extra — That’s why I agree with having a strong benefits system.” (loc 29)

I think that uncapitalized “a” is the only SPAG error I saw in this whole thing. No, I tell a lie: there’s one tense shift when Bernie is opening his mouth later on. But mostly this is well-edited.

It didn’t take long for Bernie’s red, swollen junk to spill its seed all over Barack’s hand, his eyes rolling back into his head as he came. (loc 60)

Verdict: Credit where it’s due: I’m now completely over the trauma of the Paul Ryan erotica, and dealing with this fresh new trauma. So that’s something, I guess.

It was entertaining, though. I may be rocking back and forth in a fetal position, but I’m laughing quietly as I do so.