Title: Cheerleaders vs. Cavemen: Crog’s Claim

Author: Fannie Tucker

cheerleaders vs cavemen 1

Whatwhat: They think they’re on the way to a cheerleading competition, but the Branson University Honeybees find themselves on a frozen tundra in the middle of nowhere thanks to a mad scientist who has revived some cavemen and wants to let them breed.

Money Quotes:

Her father had always scoffed at cheerleading, going so far as to call it a “frivolous waste of time for girls looking to get a baby before they get a diploma.” (loc 66)

There’s a complex dialectic involving definitions of feminism roles for women in this story, if you squint. If you don’t squint there’s mostly just caveman dick.

The voice coming out of the speakers lacked the warm, confident tones of an airline captain. It sounded cold and reptilian, (loc 100)

An important reminder that United’s service could technically get worse.

Someone had given her money for college to wear a short skirt and perform cartwheels in a stadium. Now someone wanted her to be a plaything for a band of primordial savages. When you got right down to it, what was the difference? (loc 379)

And here we have the part where the feminist dialectic meets the caveman dick.

Loosening her grip, she drew her hand forward and wrapped her fingers around the immensity of his manly shaft. (loc 568)

Verdict: In terms of shortform kindleporn, Fannie Tucker’s works are the equivalent of long, well-plotted novels. They have beginnings, middles, and endings; they have well-constructed set-ups; there’s a satisfying resolution. It’s honestly kind of amazing.

If you’ve reached the point where one more typo’d, grammatically-freaky story will make you cry, you need to read this (or some other Fannie Tucker story). They’re a little on the vanilla side (compared to some of the stuff we review here, anyway), but they’re deeply satisfying.