Stuff Moms Like: Some moms do get on with their lodgers, but not usually this well. Moms enjoy the growing sense of competence that often accompanies motherhood, and trust me, potential future moms: you will become competent in no time, even without extensive age play beforehand.

Moms also like accurate information about breastfeeding. You won’t find that in this story, alas, but you probably didn’t expect to.

Title: Hannah’s New Home

Author: Carmen Quick

Hannah's New Home

WhatWhat: Left in the lurch by her boyfriend, 38-year-old Beth decides to take in a lodger to make ends meet. She’s six months pregnant and worried about her lack of “maternal instinct,” but Hannah is a Little in search of a Mommy, so they have lots of sex and that solves everything.

Money Quotes:

She congratulated me on my pregnancy and asked if I was excited about becoming a Mommy. I lied and said yes, even though I had no maternal instinct in me whatsoever, and told her to come and meet me that evening. (loc 53)

Poor Beth is unaware that “are you excited about becoming a Mommy” is more than socially acceptable drivel; it’s a sexually loaded question.

It’s weird, but hearing Hannah say the word ‘Mommy’ had made my heart flutter. It’s the first time anyone had used that name on me. It was as if it had opened some chemical floodgates somewhere inside me, or something. (loc 108)

Unfortunately it opened the wrong chemical floodgates, or something.

My breasts had been getting so uncomfortable lately; so huge and bursting with milk. It was such a relief to finally have some way to ease that ache. (loc 143)

Okay, no. Beth is still pregnant. Pregnant women do not lactate. Seriously: the pregnant women you see are not walking around with breasts full of milk. The milk comes in after the baby is born.

Maybe people into the combined kinks of lactation and ageplay already know this, and are deliberately portraying an alternate version of human biology for fun and tingles. But in the real world, if you visit a new mother in the hospital you might notice that here breasts are suddenly much larger than they were the day before because her milk has come in after the birth.

She was fucking Mommy with her pacifier! (loc 186)

This is presumably a case of your kink is not my kink and that’s okay, but for the record, this is the precise moment I stabbed the fork in both my eyes.

Verdict: I was really put off with the smooshing together of “maternal instinct” and sex here. The urge you feel to have an 18yo stranger suck on your breasts is not really one I’d classify as maternal.

But it was great to finally see some ageplay involving two women, which is the sort of thing you never want to find yourself saying. I’ve really, really, really read too much erotica, haven’t I.