review: Regressive Love

Title: Regressive Love

Author: Misty Brock

regressive love

WhatWhat: Fired from her job (because of an Evil Other Woman), Gracie is first rescued from a guy with a knife, and then hired for another job. Reid, the cute millionaire who saved her from being mugged (or worse), is also her new boss, and soon her lover…but he likes to diaper his women and treat them like babies.

Money Quotes:

She’d lived on ramen like most students did, allotting most of her money for her dad and her kid brother.

She’d received a call from her dad’s senior home, informing her that her dad’s Alzheimer’s was getting worse and that he needed to be transferred to a facility better suited to handle his needs. It had meant more expenses. (loc 28)

Virtuous suffering: established.

He opened his arms in invitation and she walked into his embrace. (loc 102)

I know he saved you from the bad guy, but you literally just met him.

They left his bedroom and went to the one at the far end of the hall. He turned the doorknob and guided her into what appeared to be a nursery. There was a large wooden crib and another huge bed beside it. There were dolls of different shapes and sizes and other types of toys. (loc 361)

It’s like a slightly kinkier version of Christian Grey’s red room of pain.

“You don’t know how badly I need this so thanks again.” Her dad can stay in the facility and her brother can study full-time. Reid had no idea how big a help he’d been. (loc 515)

Tenses running amok!

But this, Gracie in a diaper under her skirt, would surely push his obsession to a whole other level.

Gracie must have realized he’d found out her secret because she turned to face him, her eyes wide as saucers.(loc 701)

After her one night with him, you see, she started wearing diapers privately on her own, to relieve stress. Something about having them all helps her cope with her responsibility-filled life.

Verdict: This is a clean, sweet, tender ageplay romance.

Less cloying than many of the ageplay stories, so if you’re into excessively-innocent heroines this one may come across as too competent an adult (she holds down a job, for instance). She is still morally pure and the main support of her family, so the “downtrodden angel” vibe is intact. But Gracie also takes an active role in defeating the Evil Other Woman, and Gracie’s brother helps out with that, which was kind of cool.

Unlike most ABDL stories I’ve seen, this one didn’t feature humiliation or diaper soiling. That was a tremendous relief for me, but I suspect would be a disappointment to some readers.

review: Dan Bigfootzerian Parties in my Butthole with his Billionaire Lifestyle

If I’ve learned one thing from reading Chuck Tingle (and actually, I’ve learned SEVERAL), it’s that you can never take his titles too literally.

Title: Dan Bigfootzerian Parties in my Butthole with his Billionaire Lifestyle

Author: Chuck Tingle

dan bigfootzerian

WhatWhat: Pippy Kones is tired of his lower middle class lifestyle, struggling to pay the bills and distracting himself with reality television stars and their unattainable lifestyle. When billionaire Bigfoot playboy Dan Bigfootzerian asks fans to send him photos of their calves, Pippy’s are the best, so he gets whisked away to a life of luxury and gay sex.

Money Quotes:

Dan Bigfootzerian is a fascinating character, a modern day Gatsby with long, brown covering his entire body and a scent that is both musky and intriguing. (loc 159)

“I want you to be pounded by my billionaire lifestyle,” explains the monster, “I want you to know what it’s like to take thousands of dollars up your asshole. This is the way of all rich men and bigfeet.” (loc 285)

Verdict: This is either a profound meditation on the class system in America or…no, no, it’s that. I’m going with profound.

I have to say, though, I’m amazed Pippy can get it up after being called a “hunky buckaroo” (loc 210). You’d think that would wither even the most determined erection.

review: Dominated for the Billionaire’s Enjoyment

Title: Dominated for the Billionaire’s Enjoyment

Author: Doreen Kain

dominated for the billionaire's enjoyment

WhatWhat: Terry is at a bar called The Chambers, when a self-assured, attractive dom invites him to play. The dom has a friend with him, an older man who likes to watch. After some flogging and oral, he gives Terry an invitation to an exclusive play party at a private mansion…

Money Quotes:

Quickly I swallowed the last of my drink – no dom was worth wasting a mudslide, the greatest drink in the world. (I like to call them “white Russians” or “Kryceks”.) (loc 25)

I did my best to suck, but it wasn’t really necessary because Dave was fucking my mouth and he clearly didn’t require anything but compliance from me. (loc 135)

Verdict: Fairly typical m/m bdsm billionaire story, but punches above its weight because the author has such a firm grasp of the mechanics, both of writing and of kink. Sly sense of humour peeks through, and sex scenes scorchingly illustrate the pleasures of submission.

review: Taken to Jamaica Two

Title: Taken to Jamaica Two

Author: Countess von Fondle

taken to jamaica two

Previously: Taken for Ice Cream; Taken to the Hot Air Balloon Regatta; Taken to Da Club

WhatWhat: The virginal Amber Avery finally gives it up to billionaire Unicorn Dinosaur Trevor Thor, who then asks her to be his girlfriend (under contract, like another much less charming perma-virgin). But giving it up to him (on his private island, Jamaica Two) triggers an ancient dino-related prophecy. Oh, and he has wings now, because of his love for Amber and also because of a shark attack. It makes perfect sense in context.

Oh, Amber, Honey:

And a shark was still attacking me. Oh, crap! I’d forgotten. (loc 86)

Money Quote:

Was this whole, strange affair with Trevor just an elaborate set-up to lure me to the island for gladiatorial combat? I might have punched a shark in the eyeball, but I couldn’t kill another person.

No, I was just being paranoid. I probably could kill a person if I had to. (loc 135)

Verdict: I know I keep saying it, but twelve-year-old me would have loved this series un-ironically (and probably without fully understanding that the author wasn’t dead serious). Amber is like an Anna Steele written by a master, someone who sees and treasures her every idiocy and her epically plebian tastes.* Every scent, taste, sex scene and reference to ballet was perfect. I would bet cash money that Amber owns a ballerina-music box and Lisa Frank stickers.

*As opposed to actual Anna Steele, who appears to have been written by someone who shares her every idiocy and plebian taste.

review: Sex Dungeons of the Rich and Famous

Title:  Sex Dungeons of the Rich and Famous (formerly Ravished and Lashed in the Cash Nexus)

Author: Aurora Sparks

sex dungeons of the rich and famous

WhatWhat: Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? Well, this is an interactive story like those. “You” get invited to a sex dungeon party at a private club for billionaires, and depending on your choices, you either spend an erotic night there, go to a different club and get hit on in line, go home to your cat and end up rescuing your former boyfriend from feminist kidnappers, or…various other things I probably haven’t hit yet.

Money Quote:

Yeah, it is, and you know what else is really cool? You can now fly and walk through walls, because you’ve transformed into an invisible, sentient cloud of orgasmolecules. (loc 3738)

Verdict: This was insane amounts of fun.

review: Tall, Dark & Slender: Caught in my Billionaire Brother’s Tentacles

Title: Tall, Dark & Slender: Caught in my Billionaire Brother’s Tentacles

Author: Stikki Minaj

tall dark and slender

WhatWhat: Rosaleen Surreal has reached an uneasy peace with her billionaire stepbrother, Phillip Kräken, while she reluctantly shares his penthouse and completes her graduate degree in cryptozoology. But when she follows him to Central Park West one night, sees his magnificent tentacles, and tries to defend his privacy from a pair of tabloid reporters, things take a turn for the intimate, and soon she’s mated to him…

Money Quotes:

“Ah, but this man in a suit is different,” Breton said with a surprising amount of patience. “For starters, he doesn’t have a face. It’s probably also worth mentioning that he is reported to have tentacles growing out of his back.” (loc 125)

Was it a coincidence? It had to be. Phillip Kräken was a billionaire playboy with more money than sense. Billionaire playboys don’t have tentacles. (loc 149)

For every part of me that was revealed, another dark, otherworldly appendage materialized to cup and caress my naked skin. (loc 344)

Verdict: If you’re bone-weary of billionaires, this one might change your mind. This story is well-written, and I’ve always liked Slenderman (NOT THAT WAY…well, maybe a little bit that way). Even the chapter titles are clever.

review: A Billionaire Dinosaur Stole Justin Bieber’s Gay Virginity

Title: A Billionaire Dinosaur Stole Justin Bieber’s Gay Virginity

Author: Anatasia Angelique

Dat ass. Also, dat ENORMOUS EYE.
Dat ass. Also, dat ENORMOUS EYE.

WhatWhat: That’s kind of self-evident, but here, have some details. Looking for a way to invest his millions, Justin Bieber takes the advice of his best friend Annie, and creates a dinosaur cloning research foundation. They create a T-Rex with human intelligence, and it quickly manipulates the stock market, becomes rich, and threatens to bankrupt Justin unless it can have sex with him. Justin enjoys it, and in the end they’re shopping for wedding rings.

…What? I don’t know. Every time I think I’ve hit peak absurdity, I find something like this.

The Set-up is Set:

Do I know Justin Bieber? Yes, I do. He and I have been friends since we were toddlers. Oh, and I know that no one cares about the dinosaur research, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Justin and I are responsible for the dinosaur terrorists who just assumed full control of the European Union. (loc 8)

Dialogue Rings True:

Every time Justin would sing around the house, his father would be like, “Shut the fuck up, you little pussy.” (loc 15)

Money Quote:

“Our conversation here is being live streamed. Here are your choices. You can leave now, a hundred million dollars in debt, with your honor intact. Or you will allow me to have sexual intercourse with you and you will walk away with three billion dollars, and whatever reputation you will have after the fact.” (loc 191)

Verdict: Well, the sex is a little gross, and I don’t mean because of Justin Bieber, I mean because of the ripping flesh. But if you can overlook that, it’s worth reading for the bizarre set-up, the inevitable approach of the dinosaur’s takeover of the stock market, and the list of other titles at the back.