review: Gill Man’s Girl

Title: Gill Man’s Girl

Author: Carolina Connor

gill man's girl

WhatWhat: To fast-track her way into grad school, undergraduate Lita Lawrence agrees to a field trip of sorts to the Amazon. One plane crash later she’s stranded next to some horny amphibians, and one of them has his eyes on her.

Money Quotes:

Goo covered her lower extremities and her arms from the elbows down. It was slimy, a dark gray-green color, about the consistency of egg whites. When she put some effort into it, she pulled one hand free with a sucking thonk sound, and then the other. The substance resembled slime the eels in the area secreted. (loc 28)

I’m not personally slimesexual, but I do own cosmetics made out of snail gel, so I empathize a little with this situation.

She itched and scratched her legs and arms. Dry, scaly skin–psoriasis–magnificent; apparently a reaction to the slime. (loc 69)

This is an important plot point.

And Bobby, bless his heart, was as opportunistic as the piranha. And hearly as bitey. Which was ironic considering he had part of one ear missing from a dog attack. (loc 76)

Bobby is Professor Moreno’s assistant. Bobby’s missing ear, and Moreno’s bow ties, are important details for reasons I won’t give away because really, you should read this one yourself.

His huge hands went to her shorts, the claws from his ‘thumbs’ ripping the seams with a flick, tearing them apart. She was breathing heavily, but she didn’t think it was from fear. (loc 136)

This is that vital missing scene from Creature from the Black Lagoon.

She would never be able to be with another man, she was pretty sure about that. They would all be compared to a river creature that no one else would believe existed. (loc 209)

Verdict: NGL, I adore each and every classic movie monster, particularly sea/swamp/Black Lagoon style ones. As a result of my huge fin-boner, this story could have gone horribly wrong from me, although the pitch-perfect 50’s-lightheartedness of the title raised my hopes very high.

I was not disappointed. Oh, there were some tiny SPAG errors, but this was generally well-written. It was campy and delightful and sexy, and it had a plot, with a shocking reveal at the end and everything. I am in love.

review: Amber’s Big Exam

Title: Amber’s Big Exam

Author: Raven Dawes

amber's big exam

WhatWhat: Amber’s stepfather caught her kissing the boy next door, so obviously she’s ready for some deep dicking by said stepfather, only first he has to have her pawed over by two doctors who used to be his college roommates, because why the hell not.

Money Quotes:

I’m not saying I’ll forbid it forever, but right now, I need to help you figure out how to enjoy your body in a safe way.” (loc 39)

By which he means “have unprotected sex with me and two guys I know.”

Of course, my step-daddy knew what was best, and if these men were like my step-daddy, they knew what was good for little girls. (loc 51)

Just to clarify, according to the first page of this she’s nineteen. If that, you know, helps.

Maybe these lessons will make more sense when they’re coming from the nice doctor men. (loc 51)

“My, my,” he said, “What a nice diaper cover your daddy put you in this morning. I need to get one for my little girl. Now lift up your bottom and let me take it off for you.” (loc 305)

Suddenly I miss the Omegaverse stories. Also I need a drink.

Verdict: For a while I kept banging my head on the “Wait, how do these guys not end up getting sued for malpractice?” reality threshold, and then I talked myself into letting go of the real world and accepting that this is an alternate universe where two grown men can afford to be letting this go on in their clinic for whatever reason. Maybe in the universe of this story ABDL is the dominant social paradigm and this is all completely normal and what am I even worrying about, I should just have another drink.

review: The Doctors and the Omega: Night Shifter Nurses

Title: The Doctors and the Omega: Night Shifter Nurses

Author: Canis Blackfang

doctors and the omega

WhatWhat: Omega (and shifter) Farrel is in the hospital, being treated for his inability to shift. Doctor Kassel is an Alpha, and he has the cure. It’s sex. Of course it is.

…What? If “Omega” and “Alpha” sound unfamiliar to you, I’m guessing you’re not in fandom, because Omegaverse has pretty much invaded fanfiction everywhere. My favourite shorthand for Omegaverse is “dogfuck rapeworld,” because while there are an infinite number of variations, most center around combinations of shifting, knotting, involuntary heat cycles, and mpreg.

WHAT. Sorry. I can’t help with any anguish (or, I suppose, delight) Omegaverse virgins might experience on first reading about this. No one can. You’re lost to decent society now. Bring plenty of water and healthy snacks.

That’s Not How Knotting Works:

He was leading me to his den, his knotted alpha cock engorged and ready to plunge into my fertile omega asshole. (loc 22)

Look, I hardly want to set myself up as an expert here, but I’m pretty sure the “knotted” part shouldn’t happen until he’s already up your virgin omega asshole.

Which KIND of Fuzzy, Though?

“Sleep,” the nurse said, his face going fuzzy. (loc 40)

Money Quote:

Electricity shot through my body as without warning, Doctor Kassel’s cock flexed and swelled, and I felt a thick hot load of alpha semen shoot deep into my omega womb. My eyes rolled back into my head, and to my shock, I felt my wolf tail explode out from above my ass. My wolf ears popped out from my head, and I couldn’t stop myself from cumming right then and there. (loc 292)

I defy you to get that mental image out of your head. Like, ever. Also, no wonder American medical care is so expensive. It’s really…thorough.

Verdict: I’ve been riding this pretty hard, but honestly, it was generally well-written and disturbingly hot. I know, I live among the damned now. But in spite of how amused I was to find a fandom trope roaming free among the Kindleporn, this author has done a damned good job of translating it to original fiction.