review: Chimera Group Encounter

It’s always a group encounter when you fuck a chimera!

Title: Monstchimera experimenters Made Me Gay: Chimera Group Encounter

Author: Hank Wilder

Other Title: Violated by Monsters: The Chimera Experiment

Other Author: Hannah Wilde

chimera gangbang

WhatWhat: Bobby and Alex are experiencing total bed death, and Bobby confesses it’s because he can’t stop thinking about being gangbanged by a group of well-endowed monsters. Luckily Alex is a bioengineer, and he takes Bobby out for a romantic dinner, then back to the lab where he’s whipped up something special: a set of giant-dicked chimeras, ready and willing to fuck Bobby senseless. Senseless is the operative word here.

I didn’t read the het version, but here’s some of the description: After making the move to a new city, Monica and Alex’s marriage is on the rocks, but not for the reason you’d think. In addition to all of the relocation stress, Monica is grappling with her hidden fetish of being taken by a gang of horny monsters. After admitting her dark secret to Alex, things get awkward fast for Monica. But it’s not long before Alex is turning the tables and making use of his new job as a genetic engineer to make his wife’s devious fantasy into reality.

Money Quotes:

He says that the chimeras are probably very excited to see me. (loc 522)

“Whoa,” is all that I can say, the words falling limply out of my mouth as I stare at the engorged members before me. (loc 574)

I want the chimera’s to use me like nothing more than a filthy twink sex doll, pound me as hard as they please while I beg for more. “Fuck me harder!” I scream out to the creature as he slams me from behind, “Slam that tight gay butt!” (loc 612)

Chuck Tingle alert:

Too much, too fast; I pull back and gasp, a string of spit connecting my lips to the head of the monster’s shaft as I struggle to catch my breath. (loc 594)

My God, I’d have thought that string of spit was trademarked.

Best Typo Ever:

Alex shrugged. “It’s been a while, sure. I just fingered it was the stress from the move.” (loc 366)

Verdict: You know the drill: one chimera, two chimera, three chimera, spurt. There is something eerily familiar about the prose, though. The hairs rose on the back of my neck when on the first page Bobby referred to Alex as his gay husband. Hmmmm. I wonder if the lab Alex works at could be on Huntertuck Island?

review: Taken in the Haunted House

Title: Taken in the Haunted House

Author: Ruby Winchester

taken in the haunted house

WhatWhat: Sara wakes up in the haunted house at the edge of town, where numerous ghosts and one really well-endowed demon fuck her.

Money Quote:

“Sara,” it breathed, sounding more like wind blowing over dry leaves than a human voice. (loc 39)

Or possibly:

Finally the ghost froze and an icy cold fluid filled my mouth. It felt like breathing in the vapor from dry ice. (loc 92)

Verdict: It disturbs me a little that I found this erotic, but I did. I think the creepy setting gave it a definite edge.

Ends at: 62%/loc 227. The rest is advertising. Which is fine–the story is as long as it needs to be; I’m not a fan of extraneous words–but if previews bug you, consider yourself warned.

review: Brobeck Pool Party

Title: Brobeck Pool Party

Author: Cheri Verset

WhatWhat: Suzette and her stepbrother Drake are home alone for the weekend, so he and his girlfriend Kara ply Suzette with tequila and have sex with her.

brobeck pool party

You know, when I explained what I was reading to my husband his only reaction was, “Well, at least everyone in this is human.”

College Doesn’t Work Like That:

He was a year older but he was so smart that he was already skipping ahead in college. (loc 60)

Honest, it’s not like grade school: you can sign up for whatever courses you’re qualified for. There’s no “skipping ahead.” It’s a minor detail but it worries me, since it makes me suspect the author might still be in high school or something.

Opposites Don’t Work Like That:

I shrugged. “Not really my style.”

“You’re not a virgin, are you?”

“No, but I guess I’m a homebody.” (loc 78)

Enough Set-Up Already, We Get It:

We could be as loud as we wanted because the house to the right had been foreclosed and the one to our left was empty, the owners having left with our parents for their golf weekend. There was a protected forest behind. (loc 96)

Money Quote:

I didn’t answer but I rotated toward her so it wouldn’t look like I was hogging my brother. (loc 225)

The mark of a good hostess, right there.

Verdict: I know I sound like I’m ragging on this book, but it’s honestly not badly written, and if the step-sibling thing does it for you at all you’ll probably find it hot.

Grammarians from Space Forced Me to Write Properly (and also Turned Me Gay)

This isn’t a review, obviously*, but Grammarians from Space is now available from Amazon (and it’s on Kindle Unlimited, so you can read it for free if you have that).

Quotes:

Thing is, to create enough content to survive you have to write hard, fast, and often. I can’t afford fancy stuff like editors or cover designers.
Lately that had been bugging me. Maybe that’s why the Grammarians showed up to teach my virgin ass a lesson. A lesson about manhood, and standards.

I flash back to how helpless and horny she’d been, obediently locking her ankles behind my neck while I pounded her. Now I’m shivering and twitching, waiting for these alien men to use me the same way I used her. I’m an even sluttier, hornier cum-bucket than Candy was.

* Anything written by the authors associated with this blog can be promoted here, but not formally reviewed.

review: Unicorn Butt Cops Beach Patrol

Title: Unicorn Butt Cops Beach Patrol

Author: Chuck Tingle

What what: Look at the title again. Yeah. That that.

buttcops

So, according to that cover, unicorns are only unicorns from the chest up. That’s cool. (Dinosaurs in this story are even more confusing, but we’ll get to that later.)

Mr. Tingle sets up his premise in the first three pages (by which point we’re 7% done): the unnamed narrator is twenty, and was headed up the corporate ladder, but after being hit by a car he ended up selling his house to pay his medical expenses because while he was in a coma the company went under. So now he’s homeless, desperate, and gets caught stealing a carnita from a taco stand.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with that?” The owner of the taco stand asks me as I look back at him with wide eyes and red hands.

That thing right there, where the spoken words end with a period and then “the” is capitalized? That happens a LOT in Chuck Tingle stories, so if it irritates you a lot you should nope out of this right now.

But if you’re sticking around, things get abruptly Chuck-Tingley when the stand owner’s yelling attracts two unicorn cops on rollerblades, who chase and catch the hapless narrator. They’re Unicorn Butt Cops, who deliver a:

“homoerotic brand of justice that had been officially sanctioned by the government only years earlier. Fortunately, I’m not terrified of them at all because of a deep, dark secret I’ve been keeping for most of my life; I’m as gay as it gets, and these cops are actually kind of hot.” (27%)

Okay then.

So they have gay semi-consensual* punishment sex on the beach while tourists snap gay pictures, and the gay narrator alternates between admiring the gay cops’ muscular bodies and his own because Californians are really vain, I guess.

If my overuse of the word “gay” as an adjective annoys you, blame Mr. Tingle, who uses it INCESSANTLY. Gay arousal; frantic, gay desperation; gay human shish kebab–no, seriously, those are actual quotes. Other actual quotes:

I feel my cock start to harden with my pants… (33%) “Pound me harder, Unicorn Butt Cop!” (64 %) “I’m sorry I stole a cartinas taco!” I scream in cheerful desperation.

There’s also an AMAZING TWIST at the end that I shan’t spoil, except to say it involves dinosaurs and left me deeply, possibly permanently, confused about what the word “dinosaur” even means in this universe.

Verdict: So hilaribad I’m almost convinced it’s actually a parody. Needs an editor, but there’s a kind of crazed genius at work here. Everyone who loves short, crazed, self-published erotica should read at least one of these.

*Before the sex commences, an LAPD officer drives past and checks in that the narrator is “cool with all this,” so it’s pretty officially consensual, I guess.