review: Petra and the Wolf

Title: Pumpkin Spice: Petra and the Wolf

Author: Gigi Gericault

petra and the wolf

WhatWhat: A witch in search of the catalyst that will unleash her powers finds it, and it’s alive. Specifically, it’s a gorgeous wolf shifter named Dodger. They have sex.

Money Quotes:

Dodger caught her effortlessly, and she wrapped her legs around his tapered waist.

“You brute!” She panted against his parted lips.

“My witch,” he growled possessively, groping her ass through the light fabric of her dress. He dropped to his knees, still holding her flush against his body. (loc 118)

Verdict: This is definitely erotic romance (specifically “erotic paranormal romance,” I guess), not hardcore erotica. Nothing weird happens here, and there’s a definite happy-ever-after ending. I realize I’m using “nothing weird happens” to describe sex between a witch and a werewolf, but I’ve been at this a long time, and my palate’s jaded. This is sweet and romantic, and yes, erotic; perfect for the romance reader who likes a high “heat level” and wants a short Halloween read.

review: The State of California Stalks My Gay Butthole

Yes. Yes, of course it does. You know, some days I can’t tell if I’m drunk or not.

Title: The State of California Stalks My Gay Butthole

Author: Chuck Tingle

the state of california stalks my gay butthole

WhatWhat: Plurk Borden meets the state of California in Miami (look, I DON’T KNOW EITHER, all right?), and what at first seems like a chance encounter turns out to be something more sinister: California has been stalking him ever since Plurk’s vacation in California a year ago.

Quotations. Quotations will help it all make sense.

Money Quotes:

The thing is, it looks exactly like him; tall with tan skin and broad shoulders, a little crooked to the right and a vast empire of agriculture throughout the middle. (loc 6)

…absolutely delicious in a manly kind of way. (loc 45)

I scoff. “Please,” I tell him, “it doesn’t count if it’s a state. I’d never bang a dude, but locations are a totally different thing.” (loc 92)

Can’t argue with him there.

…turning the skies above an imperial violet. (loc 109)

I can feel his mountains and valleys, his rivers and forests, deserts and incredibly toned abs. (loc 224)

…as I lose all sense of spatial relativity. (loc 329)

You and me both, dude.

Verdict: Am I losing my mind, or have the last couple of Tingle’s stories been shorter than his usual? This one is bundled with the President Bigfoot one, though, so it’s still worth the price. The sheer manic surreality of it is breathtaking.

review: Bred by the Easter Werebunny

Remember a while ago when I said I thought Chuck Tingle’s Seduced by Doctor Bigfoot might be my second favourite erotic short ever?

Well, this is my favourite, right here.

easter werebunny

Title: Bred by the Easter Werebunny

Author: Fannie Tucker

WhatWhat: Coerced by her mother into helping out at the church Easter Egg Hunt and Picnic, Leila follows bad boy David Booker into the woods just in time to catch his annual transformation into a randy were-Easterbunny. She’s fertile, he’s furry; sex happens.

You know how were-everythings have infested paranormal romance and erotica? Well, someone out there has a sense of humor about it.

Fannie Tucker, whoever she (or possibly he, since anyone could be lurking behind that pseud) is that wonderful thing, a literate and entertaining erotica author. There are a few tiny errors in my copy, but this is still streets ahead of a lot of Kindleporn.

Her parents had been smart enough to realize that David was about thirty unsupervised minutes from getting into her pants and shipped off their precious daughter to an expensive Catholic school…(loc 19/6%)

…eyes the bright, deep green of fake Easter grass…balls the size of Easter eggs…(loc 22/7%)

Money Quote:

Jelly beans, she realized, and a smile spread across her lips. His cum tastes like jelly beans!

Back when I bought my copy it was available on Kindle, but now it seems to have vanished from there, which is a damned shame. The garden gnome one is still there, though.