review: Evil Warlock Haunts Me Butt

It is with great sadness that I come to this review, as it may well be the last Hunter Fox entry in the canon. Of course, the author has an enormous backlist, so I expect I’ll be reviewing him for some time to come. Nevertheless, while I hope he enjoys the adventures awaiting him, I can safely say that the world of Kindle erotic shorts won’t be the same if he leaves.

Title: Evil Warlock Haunts Me Butt

Author: Hunter Fox

evil warlock haunts me butt

WhatWhat: Shamus O’Grady has been his town’s drunkard ever since the woman he loved (or thought he did) was taken to Cork at the instigation of his nemesis, Theo McClellon. Now he attempts to pull himself together, and heads to Dublin, but along the way he crosses the lands of an evil warlock…which gives the warlock the power to help himself to young Shamus’ sixteenth-century ass.

Money Quotes:

I hadn’t been to Dublin in nearly five years and couldn’t wait to see my relatives in the massive city. It was rumored to have thousands of people now as civilians! (loc 29)

“Taste the passion, my boy.” The evil warlock said, before pushing the flaming orb at me. I felt a warmth come over my body as the magical substance entered me. It was instantly absorbed into my muscles and veins and I felt a lust for the warlock come over me. (loc 100)

I was the exact opposite of what he was use to, I was small, tight and smooth. (loc 117)

So the warlock is used to large, loose, hairy men? Gross. I’m kind of curious as to how the narrator knows that about a warlock he just met.

So Very Irish:

I turned around, the warlock was heaving and looking down at his glorious cock, which spewed green Irish cum. (loc 152)

The only thing that could improve on that would be if it tasted of Bailey’s Irish Cream.

Verdict: This may well be Hunter Fox’s best work to date. The historical setting was entertaining, the magic being connected to land ownership/tresspassing was a cool detail, and I loved the green cum (uh, loved reading about it, I mean. I would not much love to be confronted with that in real life). Enjoyable enough that I was willing to overlook the American spelling of Seamus, although I would still have preferred the title to be “Evil Warlock Haunts Me Arse.”

In a roundabout way, Hunter Fox is the reason I started this blog–or rather, I started because of a review at SBTB of one of his books. It was a funny, snarky, clever review, but as I read it (and the comments) it occurred to me that I’d also like to see reviews of these that weren’t written in the spirit of “taking one for the team.”

I wanted reviews that, however much awareness they displayed of the flaws and absurdities of this ragged-arsed little subgenre, genuinely enjoyed and appreciated them. So I decided that writing my own short reviews, in that spirit of hilarity and appreciation, might get the ball rolling…

review: Forbidden Unicorn Bae

Title: Forbidden Unicorn Bae

Author: Whitney Fox

forbidden unicorn bae

M/M version: Unicorn made me His Bae by Hunter Fox

WhatWhat: Sophie finds her boyfriend and best friend cheating on her, calls her childhood unicorn friend Logan to defend her, and ends up having sex with him.

What’s a Nice Apostrophe Like You Doing in a Place Like This?

She had continuously told me about other guys or unicorn’s in town that had been crushing on me. (loc 36)

I Can’t Quite Picture This:

“I’ll be fine.” I said back, reaching out an patting his furry leg which held onto the steering wheel. (loc 81)

“I always knew he was a little prick.” Logan said, rolling his window down and letting his arm hang out. (loc 83)

So he’s driving with one leg while his arm hangs out the window? What?

Ow:

…playing with me with one hoof… (loc 176)

Verdict: The somewhat trashy confrontation at the beginning, and then the arrival of ultra-masculine unicorn Logan (in a grey hoodie!) to defend Sophie’s honor, is a glorious scene. There are some nice little details (eye color; ejaculate color and…composition; the number of unicorns in their small towns) that I thought were excellent. I enjoy Fox’s plots; I just wish someone would beta-read them for punctuation, particularly of the dialogue.

Alli-Frogs everywhere.

I’ve seen it pointed out in a few places that Hunter Fox and Whitney Fox publish near-identical, pronoun-switched versions of the same stories, so to test the theory I read a matched set. And, yes, they are identical. allifrogs2

Titles: Punished by the Alli-Frogs (Whitney Fox) and Alli-Frogs from Space Forced Me Gay (Hunter Fox)

What What: An alien species resembling a cross between alligators and frogs have invaded Montana, and the narrator (Jenna in one version, Jason in the other) has opted to stay in their now-abandoned dorm, which quickly floods with horny alli-frogs.

allifrogs

Come Again?

Whitney Fox says:

“Gross.” I muttered as I flung his trash around, including nude magazines he was keeping on his desk. (24%)

I opened my legs for them, letting them see how slippery and wet I was for them. (47%)

Hunter Fox says:

“Gross.” I muttered as I flung her trash around, including makeup she was keeping on his desk. (23%)

After seeing their four throbbing, strong and powerful Alli-Frog dicks before me, I was blown away and needed to fuck them. I instantly was forced gay by their presence. (46%)

I’ve been reading too much bizarre erotica, because when I hit this bit I honestly thought the car was sentient, horny, and used to date the narrator:

From a far, I noticed Nicole’s car, a chick who I had recently dated a few months ago. The lame 1989 two door hatchback was sitting in the clear, far from the flames and yearning to be driven away by me. (20%)

That is, of course, “Nick’s car” in the Whitney Fox version.

The Verdict: These are more or less identical, yes. So there’s no particular reason to read both unless you have an absolute obsession with alli-frogs.