review: Turned Gay by the Existential Dread That I May Actually be a Character in a Chuck Tingle Book

Title: Turned Gay by the Existential Dread That I May Actually be a Character in a Chuck Tingle Book

Author: Chuck Tingle

turned gay by the existential dread

WhatWhat: Brad is on vacation with his wife, Carrie, when the latest Chuck Tingle makes him start to doubt his own existence while the universe around him becomes gayer.

Money Quotes:

As I said before, I’m a huge fan of Chuck’s work, although I am dubious about the idea that he is a real man out there in Billings, pounding away at the typewriter to create a seemingly endless supply of gay erotica. (loc 21)

Brad is so “relatable” as a character, isn’t he?

“Is that the name of the hotel?” I stammer, barely able to find the words. I feel sick to my stomach, a wave of nausea washing over me.

“Butt Point Suites?” my wife asks, walking up behind me.

I’m utterly dumbfounded. “I thought it was the Sandy Point Suites,” I protest. (loc 102)

I love it.

Suddenly, a whole team of handsome young football players burst into the lobby, shouting and cheering as they slap each other on the ass with playful enthusiasm. They are all shirtless, with boyish smiles and an intoxicating, vibrant charm. (loc 163)

Poor Brad becoming increasingly stressed as the universe around him reveals itself to be the Tingleverse is one of the funniest things I’ve read in ages. I need this to be a made-for-television movie or something.

The figure relaxing in the tub before me is not a man at all, but a swirling ethereal manifestation of my suffocating existential dread. (loc 217)

I hate when that happens.

Verdict: This is currently my second favourite book in the world, right behind Foucault’s Pendulum.

review: Pounded In The Butt By My Book “Pounded In The Butt By My Book ‘Pounded In The Butt By My Book “Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt”‘”

Title: Pounded In The Butt By My Book “Pounded In The Butt By My Book ‘Pounded In The Butt By My Book “Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt”‘”

Author: Chuck Tingle

pounded

WhatWhat: Okay. Here goes. Lord Gibbok faces a battle in the morning, against a powerful wizard in the shape of a book. But because Gibbok is aware that he is merely a fictional character, he rides out in search of his author, Chuck Tingle, and discovers the ultimate truth: he is Chuck Tingle. All the characters are Chuck Tingle. I’m probably Chuck Tingle at this point.

Money Quotes:

I’ve seen my share of death and destruction at the hands of Dr. Tingle. (loc 6)

Me too, Lord Gibbok, me too.

Sometimes I’m not even written about, just lingering in the background while a man boards a living biker train, or I’m serving on a jury in the case of a sexy bigfoot lawyer who is also a doctor, or eating at a handsome diner while the leading man runs in and out of the building, fucking its various orifices. (loc 14)

I can’t even begin to tell you how much it disturbs me to know I’ve read and reviewed all of these.

“Well, on Twitter you can interact with people from the real world, but you can still be fictional,” Chuck explains. (loc 155)

The story of my life (and, more pertinently, of Mr. Tingle’s.)

There are not many consistent rules here in the Tingleverse, but you can always count on the ultimate value of a hard anal pounding. (loc 219)

Verdict: I’m losing track of who’s being pounded by what. (On my kindle, I mean, not in real life or anything.) Send help.

review: Pounded in the Butt by My Book etc etc etc

Title: Pounded in the Butt by my Book Pounded in the Butt by my Book Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt

That’s kind of fun to say out loud. Go on, try it.

Author: Chuck Tingle

pounded in the etc

Previously:  Pounded in the Butt by my Book Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt; Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt.

WhatWhat: A blogger flies to Billings, Montana in search of the elusive Dr. Chuck Tingle, where he learns that a) he is part of Chuck Tingle’s own mind and b) he has to save Earth from destruction at the hands of a species of sentient copies of Pounded in the Butt by my Book Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt. Naturally he has sex with (and I’m quoting this directly from the Amazon description) “the enemy paperback space captain, Mimmer Tops.”

No, I can’t help you. The planet where the books live is called Kibbs Porp-9, if more details will add anything to that.

Money Quotes:

I suppose that says a lot about my subject, the elusive Dr. Chuck Tingle. (loc 19)

Not gonna lie: I kind of shrieked with excitement when I hit that line.

I became so fascinated with Chuck’s world; his son, the villainous neighbor, and his deceased wife. (loc 30)

Me too, nameless figment. Me too.

“I am nod a god,” I repeat, just a writer and Tae Kwon Do grandmaster from Billings. (loc 161)

Verdict: Sexier than ENDER’S GAME.

 

review: Pounded in the Butt by my Book Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt

Title: Pounded in the Butt by my Book Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt

Author: Chuck Tingle

pounded in the butt by my book pounded in the butt by my own butt

WhatWhat: Nothing I can say here is going to help, but I’ll try. World famous author “Buck Trungle” is threatened with a lawsuit by one of his own books, “Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt,” but they resolve the issue by having sex. I’m sorry: GAY sex. Also they fall in love.

…What? I’m sorry, that’s as much sense as I or anyone can make of this, okay? I’m trying here. I still can’t really believe that this book is a thing that really happened, let alone that I have it on my Kindle and I’ve read it.

Chuck Tingle Opening Line:

Being a famous writer is an experience that few others can relate to, even for those who ascend to the realm of celebrity in another field. (loc 1)

Money Quotes:

This is my basic routine, and not once do I get recognized as Buck Trungle, highly successful author of science fiction literature and the best selling novel, “Pounded in the Butt By My Own Butt.” (loc 22)

I notice him immediately, a large, muscular copy of my most recent novel amid a sea of normal human patrons, devilishly handsome and carrying himself with an air of nonchalant swagger. (loc 75)

Slater is kissing me passionately as my hands roam across his sturdy matte cover. (loc 170)

Yes, I guess that would stand out in a coffeeshop, all right.

Verdict: At this point I’m convinced that the author’s complete inability to properly punctuate dialogue has to be fake. Also, I’m retty much reading these like a conspiracy theorist now, looking for clues to Chuck Tingle World. Like, in this one, the narrator’s late wife was named Borbo. Surely that’s a sign she was a Bigfoot, right?