(update) review: Rammed by the Reviews for this Book

Observant readers will note  that I’ve already reviewed this book. But because this book morphs in response to reviews, an update is required.

rammed by the reviews

Title: Rammed by the Reviews for this Book

Author: Leonard Delaney

Money Quote:

“A raptor, like in the name of the blog,” the review said in its sultry, Canadian-accented voice. It stretched itself out, growing until it was the size of a duck. It made whirring sounds when it moved, as if, under the scaled skin, razor-sharp teeth, and hooked claws, it was a mechanized machine inside. (loc 163)

This is the second time I’ve appeared in erotic fiction in raptor form (the first was courtesy of Chuck Tingle). It’s doing interesting things to my self-image.

Just to clarify: I do, in fact, have a sultry Canadian voice. Sometimes it’s Ontario-ish and sometimes it’s Newfoundland-esque, but it’s always dead erotic.

Verdict: Dialogue rings true (for me anyway, I can’t speak for the other reviewer who has also been immortalized), and this was insane amounts of fun to read. I mean, my husband may require therapy to recover, but even he agrees that was an amazing, disturbing bedtime read.

Seriously, don’t miss your chance: go leave a review at Amazon or somewhere so you can experience the thrill of inclusion in what is surely our era’s signature art form.

Also, as a fellow Canadian Mr. Delaney is probably particularly appreciative of whatever coins get tossed his way. Our dollar is steadily sinking into the depths; we’re talking sub-sub-basement levels. If you can afford to support kindle authors, please do. They’re generally a decent group of people. I personally just bought five hard copies of The Pop Culture Value Combo (reviews to follow), four of which I shall bestow on unsuspecting friends, who I encourage to respond with gifts of chocolate and/or restraining orders.

review: Rammed by the Reviews for This Book

I have a confession to make before this even gets underway: I used to be seriously into ARGs. I haven’t suddenly turned pirate; I mean Alternate Reality Games, aka “the next terrible step when you’ve grown up with D&D.” So I was all over this book, because it’s about damned time things on my Kindle started changing and reacting to input from players. Readers. Whatever.

Title: Rammed by the Reviews for This Book

Author: Leonard Delaney

rammed by the reviews

WhatWhat: Christie Aackerlund, last seen in the grasp of a sea monster, is bored in its underground palace and starts writing Kindleporn. I’ve been there, Christie. Well, not the sea monster part. But the book is interactive, so she can’t get off until you-the-reader makes the next move…

Money Quotes:

She sighed, blowing a strand of her lava-red hair out of her granite-grey eyes. (loc 80)

I’m a sucker for books that know they’re books, and for all authorial nods to the conventions of their subgenre. Delaney has my number. In the colloquial sense, not literally.

She leaned back and, with a quiet hiss, her vagina opened wide. (loc 115)

Possibly Delaney is confusing “vagina” with “doorway on the Starship Enterprise” here. I’ve met guys who’d probably be capable of that mistake.

Verdict: It’s difficult to reach any conclusion here (which, coincidentally, is exactly what’s happening to the heroine), but I eagerly await the outcome of the author’s latest experiment in erotic fiction.

review: The Black Masquerade

Title: Your Erotic Story: The Black Masquerade

Author: Celestia Dew

black masquerade

WhatWhat: A second-person choose-your-own-ending erotica, in which the main choices lead to werewolf sex or vampire sex (although I somehow managed to get killed by a succubus the first time I played).

Money quote:

Everyone looks perfectly average—you’re pretty sure one of the masked and tuxedoed men is your mailman but assume it would be rude to ask. (loc 36)

Verdict: It was hard to choose a “money quote” for this one, because the whole experience is lush and evocative, and no one snippet quite captures it. From the engraved invitation through the mechanics of arrival at the Black Masquerade to the non-human guests, the details are exquisite.

review: Sex Dungeons of the Rich and Famous

Title:  Sex Dungeons of the Rich and Famous (formerly Ravished and Lashed in the Cash Nexus)

Author: Aurora Sparks

sex dungeons of the rich and famous

WhatWhat: Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? Well, this is an interactive story like those. “You” get invited to a sex dungeon party at a private club for billionaires, and depending on your choices, you either spend an erotic night there, go to a different club and get hit on in line, go home to your cat and end up rescuing your former boyfriend from feminist kidnappers, or…various other things I probably haven’t hit yet.

Money Quote:

Yeah, it is, and you know what else is really cool? You can now fly and walk through walls, because you’ve transformed into an invisible, sentient cloud of orgasmolecules. (loc 3738)

Verdict: This was insane amounts of fun.