review: The Dinner: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Oh God, there are twenty-seven of these.

Title: The Dinner: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Author: Amber Paige

the dinner

WhatWhat: Amber’s step father, Jim, needs her to pretend to be his wife for a business dinner. She ends up fucking him, her uncles, and the guys he’s doing business with, because that’s how deals are done, God damn it.

Money Quotes:

In my head I can see my step dad is smiling his wide, handsome smile on the other end of the line, and I’m flooded with a deep yearning for home. (loc 360)

I’ve been homesick before, but not like this.

Jim sighs. “Because I need you to pretend to be my wife.

I freeze when my step father says this, his words tracing a warm jolt of electricity down my spine. I can feel my clit throb with a sudden dull ache down below, a sudden reaction that I can’t quite understand. (loc 386)

Really? You can’t understand that? You’re surprisingly naive for someone who’s about to be at the centre of a gangbang.

“Loosen up buddy!” Lance says, slapping Jim on the back. “I’m just saying, it would be much easier for this deal to get pushed through if we were all a little closer, you know?” (loc 516)

No big deal, dude, we’d just feel better about signing a contract if we all fucked your wife first.

The men who raised me moan with pleasure as I run my tight grip up and down the length of their shafts, moving slowly at first and then gaining speed until I’m beating them off to a pleasant rhythm. (loc 569)

This is so much like that Chuck Tingle book with the living donuts. Just mentally replace “the men who raised me” with “the donuts who glazed me.”

Verdict: Okay, now that I’ve read a couple of these the full hilarity is sinking in. Should I read all 27? I’m really curious as to how anyone can come up with 27 scenarios in which someone can plausibly (I use the term loosely) have sex with her step father and an entire team of step uncles.

review: The Blog: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Title: The Blog: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Author: Amber Paige

the blog

WhatWhat: April is a sex blogger, and after she accidentally posts her fantasy about her step father, he and her uncles show up to make her gangbang dreams come true.

Money Quotes:

There it is in all of it’s taboo glory; my fantasy admission of wanting to be at the center of a gangbang with my step father and step uncles. (loc 150)

That should be “its” and “:“.

The horny man who raised me pushes in and out, thrusting his cock between my lips as I look up at him with my big, beautiful eyes. He’s an incredibly confident man, and the way that he takes control of me and uses my body is a massive turn on. He’s rough with me, controlling my head with his hands as he uses me like a step neice sex doll until finally I’m forced to pull away and take in a desperate gasp of air.  (loc 221)

That reads so much like Chuck Tingle that I had to double check for dinosaurs.

“Go on!” I command. “Shove that big fat cock up yours up your sweet little step daughter!” (loc 233)

See? SEE?

Verdict: Generally well-written and entertaining. So Tingle-esque I kept waiting for someone to call the heroine a filthy little twink, though, which would have made no sense. Maybe I should step away from the Kindle for a while.

review: The Rump Card

Title: The Rump Card: A Billionaire, His Step Daughter, A Legend

Author: Marquis Devoliere

WhatWhat: Ronald Rump fucks his step-daughter.

rump card

Money Quotes:

The room was gold. Gold enough to make Midas a jealous man as the sun glistened upon the gilded edges of the main hall’s chandelier. (p. 1)

The pair sat conveniently close on it, without speaking, as Rump began to pour two glasses of whiskey. He gazed around at the bookshelves that lined the room. So many books, but yet none of them read by Ronald. most in actuality belonged to his father. “Who needs them anyway! I’m far too busy a man to worry about wasting my time in such a manner” Rump mused to himself as he finished topping off Viktoriya’s overfilled glass. She wasted no time and began to down the drink immediately. (p. 4)

So many comma splices.

His violent ejaculation filled her up, his hot warm semen filling her up. (p. 6)

Okay, but is she filled up? I can’t tell.

Verdict: This is less a work of erotica, honestly, than a political jab. No sex takes place until the sixth (of six) pages, and then it only lasts a paragraph. But if you’re gagging for pseudo-incest this might fit the bill. Needs an editor or some Space Grammarians to help with punctuation issues.

review: FBI Stepbrother to the Rescue

Title: FBI Stepbrother to the Rescue

Author: Lucrezia Lannister

fbi stepbrother rescue

WhatWhat: If you can’t figure out the gist of this from the title, I’m not sure I can help you. But to fill in some of the fine details, JoAnne is a virgin married to a mobster who sees her only as a useful future hostage, and her stepbrother Sam is the FBI agent who’s about to put the mobster and his family behind bars before de-virginating JoAnne.

Money Quote:

There was no one who could compare to JoAnne. No way any other woman could ever be to me what my little stepsister was. No way I could build with anyone else what I’ve built with JoAnne. (loc 165)

Verdict: And once again, I am disturbed as hell to find myself sighing romantically over pseudo incest. I think possibly I have residual damage from having read Flowers in the Attic at an early age. Lannister is a really good, competent, evocative author, which makes things either better or worse, depending on how you look at it. Well worth the read, provided you’re an only child, which I thankfully am.

review: My Blackmailed Step

Title: My Blackmailed Step

Author: Lucrezia Lannister

my blackmailed step

WhatWhat: Pale, slender, dark-haired Luke has long had a crush on his gold-haired well-muscled stepbrother Theo, so he’s distressed to find Theo is apparently intimately involved with a sleazy coworker at their architectural firm. Luckily that gets straightened out in favour of some wholesome step-sibling sex.

Money Quote:

After all these years of never giving more than the most fleeting sign, my stepbrother was finally admitting he had non-platonic feelings for me? On the same day that I caught him necking with a guy who wasn’t fit to wipe his boots? (loc 146)

Verdict: This is a strangely romantic, touching story, and oddly enough, that seems to be true of several of the pseudo-incest stories I’ve read. This could be a worrying side effect of reading too much erotica. Or it could just be that these stories highlight a sort of “falling in love just once for someone who knows you better than anyone else ever could” fantasy that in conventional romance would get translated into “boy next door.” In erotica there are fewer gestures towards respectability, and we get to see the heart of the fantasy laid bare, so to speak.

Anyway, this is flawlessly written and disturbingly sweet.

review: Stepbrother Romance

Title: Stepbrother Romance

Author: Lucrezia Lannister

stepbrother romance

WhatWhat: Ever since their parents got married, Mark has had the hots for his new stepbrother, Leo, and now he decides it’s time to seduce him.

Money Quotes:

On my nineteenth birthday I decided to seduce my stepbrother. (loc 2)

Keeping it barely legal in at least two directions.

But as time went on, I noticed something interesting, that finally gave me hope.

His boyfriends were looking more and more like me. (loc 55)

Verdict: Everyone in this is human! You have no idea how reassuring that is, even if they are step-siblings. This is an unexpectedly sweet stepbrother romance. Blond godlike jock Leo has always been kind to thin, pale, dark-haired Mark, so the crush is as much about appreciating Leo’s heroic qualities as it is about craving hot anal sex.

What does it say about my reading habits that pseudo incest now seems reassuringly normal?