WhatWhat: Former nerd George is now a millionaire with a trophy wife, but his plans to show off at his high school reunion go badly wrong, and she ends up cuckolding him with the guy who used to bully him (and later with the chauffeur just for good measure).
If he was expecting any tips from yours truly he was sorely mistaken. I’d never even been in that hole! Having to do all the work of initiating sex with Krystal in the first place, it had never occurred to me that she might be open to anal. Now here she was giving it up to our limo driver whose name she didn’t even know! (loc 340)
I can’t see how it’d be much better if he was wearing a name tag, though, George.
I pumped urgently, disgusted that I was so horny thinking of my own cock sliding in and out of the cum that had been left inside my wife by my former bully. (loc 407)
On the bright side, you do know his name.
Verdict: There’s more than one story available on Amazon right this minute with this exact title, which feels like some sort of profound revelation about human nature.
This one is literate and deft, although I enjoyed it less than the Old Spice one or the lumberjack one, largely because I liked George and felt sorry for him. But he enjoyed it, so I guess that’s all that matters here.
WhatWhat: Jon and Claire, a married couple who are bored and cranky with each other, are taking a vacation to try to rekindle their desire. They end up staying at the HW’s Bed & Breakfast, where a special drink turns Claire into a hotwife. If you don’t know what that is you’re not alone, but based on this story it’s a wildly horny woman interested in fucking other men in front of her husband.
The love packed its bags, moved out, went across the country and drowned in the Atlantic Ocean. I can’t remember the last time he paid attention to my pussy, or my tits, or, hell, gave me a decent kiss. (loc 36)
As tragic as that is, I’m getting a little turned on here by the author’s skillful use of commas. Oh, baby. You have no idea how much that means to me.
By the time dinner wrapped up, I felt the overwhelming urge to get fucked and not by my husband. I needed strange cock and lots of it. (loc 191)
All of our marital problems seemed to melt away in an instant. I’d find another man to satisfy my sexual needs, and Jon would get off to it. (loc 228)
I’m no marriage counselor, but I have my doubts that this would work for most people.
Verdict: I realize not everyone shares my kink for proper punctuation and sentence structure, but this was too skillfully written for me to not mention it. Every single dialogue tag dropped into place perfectly. Damn, girl.
As someone who dreads having to so much as make small talk with strangers at hotels, this was a slightly scary scenario, but since the characters were obviously having a good time I was able to relax and just go with it.
WhatWhat: Daryl’s wife Sandra is a witch, so she’s been switching it up for him in the bedroom, using her powers to morph into a variety of women. Now she wants a turn, except she can’t use her powers on another person, so she can’t change Darryl’s appearance. But she has an idea: she can create living avatars of the characters in commercials, and Daryl can watch.
“Oh for Pete’s sake, Daryl! How many times have I been some cute little giggling Asian chick, or ‘spicy Latina’ like you wanted?” she argued. (loc 64)
This author has a real knack for making me dislike the male point-of-view character, resulting in my not feeling sorry for him when he gets cheated on.
God, she was gorgeous. Why did I ever think switching it up was a good idea? Now I had to share her with the Keebler Elves or whatever. (loc 72)
I didn’t tell Sandra about any of it. It was probably best that she didn’t know my entire department, and apparently everyone in IT, had seen her getting it on with Mr. Clean and that Old Spice guy. (loc 288)
Verdict: Possibly a meditation on the mythic function of television advertising; possibly just an excuse for some inventive erotica. This was hilarious and wonderful. I especially appreciated Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Also I’m having a sudden urge to buy Old Spice.
WhatWhat: I think that title makes it perfectly clear, really, but here goes: Sasquatches have been discovered (near the Canadian border, naturally) and granted legal rights, and Greg has become sexually entranced by the male ones, which comes in handy when his wife drags him to a production of Hey, That’s My Bum! and he has to save her, the cast, and the audience by seducing the Alpha Bigfoot.
“Greg, I know you were watching sasquatch porn because they turn you on. Honey, I don’t care! I love you either way! Do what needs to be done!” (loc 228)
If your marriage can survive that I guess it can survive anything.
Verdict: This is my favorite Max Wood so far. It’s got a playfulness that I enjoyed, and there’s enough world building to make it relatively three-dimensional.