review: Ghostly Needs

Title: Ghostly Needs: A Haunting Taboo Romance

Author: Eden Redd

ghostly needs

WhatWhat: Bethany was horny in life and now she’s horny in her afterlife, having hanged herself rather than be put to death for her lust. Now she’s eyeing the new inhabitants of her house: a husband, his wife, and his attractive son. Conveniently the step-mother is already attracted to her step-son, so Bethany possesses her for a little pseudo-incestuous ghost action.

Money Quotes:

She would insert her toy and moan loudly when no one was home. It was a bit odd that she often looked to a family picture of her, James and Alex together when she came the loudest. (loc 89)

I see.

I wanted to be on my own knees, taking him in, pleasing him like the whore before him. It was these very thoughts they accused me of witchcraft and the devil’s play thing. (loc 124)

I think we’re missing a “because of” and a “being” here somewhere.

The second hunger rising and running along mine, was it from Kate herself? I could feel Kate’s body responding alongside my own desires. I dared say nothing for I didn’t want to stop this magical moment but I could feel the lustful desire work with mine to take this young and beautiful man. (loc 387)

Verdict: A little melancholy and, yes, romantic, with a sweetly happy ending, this is basically pseudo-incest with a lot of heart.

review: The Groupie: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Title: The Groupie: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Author: Amber Paige

groupie

WhatWhat: Amber’s stepfather and her uncles get their old band back together, and after a sparsely attended performance (okay, only Amber shows up) she decides to cheer them up by fucking them all.

Money Quotes:

With massive generation gaps abound, it’s easy to see how someone my age could find it hard to relate to their step father. He read’s books that are drab and has a more-than-questionable fashion sense, among other embarrassing truths. (loc 6)

“He read’s,” really? This is not a promising beginning.

The second that my step dad see’s me….(loc 29)

You’re fucking kidding me, right?

But my attraction to them is just plan wrong. Even with the lack of any biological taboo, since we are not technically related by blood, the lustful feelings that brew inside of me are unmistakably forbidden. (loc 144)

I get the feeling that the author wanted to make the lack of blood kinship perfectly “plan” to the Amazon gatekeepers.

I want to fuck my step dad, and I want to fuck him badly. (loc 218)

And then I want to proofread even more badly.

I pull back with frantic enthusiasm, looking up at the muscular men who raised me with pure lust in my eyes. “Fuck me right now! I need your bog step daddy cocks in this tight little pussy!”

I fall forward onto my hands and knees in the middle of the living room, popping my ass out at the band and wiggling it in the air. “Come and get it!” I coax. (loc 250)

Holy Chuck Tingle: I feel like I’ve read practically this exact scene somewhere before, but I can’t quite put my finger on where.

Verdict: Eerily familiar, and yet curiously devoid of unicorns.

review: Gay Cult

Remember how I discovered there were twenty-seven of those “taken by the men who raised me” stories? I’ve made a terrifying, fascinating discovery.

Title: Gay Cult: Pounded by the Men Who Raised Me

Author: Andy Paigeman

gay cult

WhatWhat: To quote the Amazon description, “It’s been five years since Kenneth left behind his gay sex cult past,” only can one ever REALLY leave behind one’s gay sex cult past?  No, reader: one cannot. So Kenneth ends up being fucked by a bunch of the older guys from the cult compound.

Money Quotes:

As far as I was aware, all kids grew up attending morning religious rituals like snake handling and fire walking. (loc 12)

This cult has a really wide range of interests.

Unfortunately, I left the church right before my twentieth birthday, which is just before the first sexual ritual takes place, so I don’t exactly know for myself.

Of course, the step father and step uncle aspect of these sexual encounters also rubs a lot of people the wrong way, and understandably so, but that never bothered me all that much thanks mostly to the fact that the older men at the church happen to be incredibly handsome. Sure, they are older men, but they wear it well and stay exceptionally fit by taking part in various chores around the compound. (loc 34)

Yeah, see…I don’t think most people’s objections to ritualized sex with their stepfather hinges on whether or not he’s good looking.

“Hello Kenneth.” Peter says. “Welcome back to the Gay Garden. May the vines fill your soul with light and love.”

“May the vines fill your soul with light and love.” The group of handsome older men repeats in unison. (loc 148)

Oh, come on. That is not how you punctuate dialogue tags or how you do foreplay. I love that the cult compound is called the Gay Garden, though.

“Are you ready to receive the vines?” (loc 148)

Guess what the vines are? Yes, their penises. No, I’m not kidding.

“Do you all want to fuck me at the same time?” I ask seductively in a voice that barely feels like my own. “Do you want to take me in my tight twink asshole?” (loc 158)

The reason your voice barely feels like your own, Kenneth, is because you’re obviously using Chuck Tingle’s voice right about now.

Lost in a sea of frantic gay lust, I take my step father’s massive dick and shove it down my throat as far as I can, gag reflex be damned. Somehow, I manage to loosen up enough to take Peter all the way into the depths of my neck, his entire length consumed as his balls hang on my chin and his abs press hard against my face. (loc 183)

Verdict: This raises some deep questions, not least of which is, why do women get “taken” and men get “pounded”? Are gay sex cults really a thing? Are there twenty-seven of these, too? I’m honestly scared to go look.

This is so Tingle-esque as to be amazing, dear reader. It’s all here: gay lust; abs; a tight twink asshole. But somehow it’s not the same without the unicorns and sentient food.

review: The Dinner: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Oh God, there are twenty-seven of these.

Title: The Dinner: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Author: Amber Paige

the dinner

WhatWhat: Amber’s step father, Jim, needs her to pretend to be his wife for a business dinner. She ends up fucking him, her uncles, and the guys he’s doing business with, because that’s how deals are done, God damn it.

Money Quotes:

In my head I can see my step dad is smiling his wide, handsome smile on the other end of the line, and I’m flooded with a deep yearning for home. (loc 360)

I’ve been homesick before, but not like this.

Jim sighs. “Because I need you to pretend to be my wife.

I freeze when my step father says this, his words tracing a warm jolt of electricity down my spine. I can feel my clit throb with a sudden dull ache down below, a sudden reaction that I can’t quite understand. (loc 386)

Really? You can’t understand that? You’re surprisingly naive for someone who’s about to be at the centre of a gangbang.

“Loosen up buddy!” Lance says, slapping Jim on the back. “I’m just saying, it would be much easier for this deal to get pushed through if we were all a little closer, you know?” (loc 516)

No big deal, dude, we’d just feel better about signing a contract if we all fucked your wife first.

The men who raised me moan with pleasure as I run my tight grip up and down the length of their shafts, moving slowly at first and then gaining speed until I’m beating them off to a pleasant rhythm. (loc 569)

This is so much like that Chuck Tingle book with the living donuts. Just mentally replace “the men who raised me” with “the donuts who glazed me.”

Verdict: Okay, now that I’ve read a couple of these the full hilarity is sinking in. Should I read all 27? I’m really curious as to how anyone can come up with 27 scenarios in which someone can plausibly (I use the term loosely) have sex with her step father and an entire team of step uncles.

review: The Blog: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Title: The Blog: Taken by the Men Who Raised Me

Author: Amber Paige

the blog

WhatWhat: April is a sex blogger, and after she accidentally posts her fantasy about her step father, he and her uncles show up to make her gangbang dreams come true.

Money Quotes:

There it is in all of it’s taboo glory; my fantasy admission of wanting to be at the center of a gangbang with my step father and step uncles. (loc 150)

That should be “its” and “:“.

The horny man who raised me pushes in and out, thrusting his cock between my lips as I look up at him with my big, beautiful eyes. He’s an incredibly confident man, and the way that he takes control of me and uses my body is a massive turn on. He’s rough with me, controlling my head with his hands as he uses me like a step neice sex doll until finally I’m forced to pull away and take in a desperate gasp of air.  (loc 221)

That reads so much like Chuck Tingle that I had to double check for dinosaurs.

“Go on!” I command. “Shove that big fat cock up yours up your sweet little step daughter!” (loc 233)

See? SEE?

Verdict: Generally well-written and entertaining. So Tingle-esque I kept waiting for someone to call the heroine a filthy little twink, though, which would have made no sense. Maybe I should step away from the Kindle for a while.

review: The Rump Card

Title: The Rump Card: A Billionaire, His Step Daughter, A Legend

Author: Marquis Devoliere

WhatWhat: Ronald Rump fucks his step-daughter.

rump card

Money Quotes:

The room was gold. Gold enough to make Midas a jealous man as the sun glistened upon the gilded edges of the main hall’s chandelier. (p. 1)

The pair sat conveniently close on it, without speaking, as Rump began to pour two glasses of whiskey. He gazed around at the bookshelves that lined the room. So many books, but yet none of them read by Ronald. most in actuality belonged to his father. “Who needs them anyway! I’m far too busy a man to worry about wasting my time in such a manner” Rump mused to himself as he finished topping off Viktoriya’s overfilled glass. She wasted no time and began to down the drink immediately. (p. 4)

So many comma splices.

His violent ejaculation filled her up, his hot warm semen filling her up. (p. 6)

Okay, but is she filled up? I can’t tell.

Verdict: This is less a work of erotica, honestly, than a political jab. No sex takes place until the sixth (of six) pages, and then it only lasts a paragraph. But if you’re gagging for pseudo-incest this might fit the bill. Needs an editor or some Space Grammarians to help with punctuation issues.

review: Owning Her Innocence

Title: Owning Her Innocence

Author: Alexa Riley

owning her innocence

WhatWhat: Haley has just turned eighteen, but all is not well: she doesn’t really want to grow up, and “Daddy William,” the friend of her father’s who used to babysit her, has been acting distant for a year. But after some guy her own age tries to roofie her at a party, William (I mean “Daddy”) rescues her, for a value of “rescues” here meaning “ties her to his bed and ejaculates on her chest before letting her know she can be his Little Girl forever.”

Money Quotes:

He even went so far as to clear out my room last week, removing all my stuffed animals, my baby dolls that I’ve had since before I can remember, hiring William’s construction company to paint over my beautiful pink walls. Now the room is an ugly blue that makes me stomp my feet every time I see it. (loc 53)

Parents just don’t understand.

I know he means well, but the thought of growing up and being a woman terrifies me to the core. (loc 59)

If only there was some way to avoid that…but there really, really isn’t, no matter how many ruffles you have on your clothes or how often you call your lover “Daddy.” Oops, sorry, I’m editorializing.

Speaking of lovers:

He’d pick me up from school when Father had to work late, or he’d stay over and put me to bed when Father couldn’t make it home. (loc 64)

Luckily she’s all grown up now:

Cheese and crackers! That came out way whinier than I intended. (loc 81)

I’ve heard my father say she’s a gold digger who will sleep with anyone, whatever that means. (loc 126)

You’re not fooling anyone with that little “whatever that means,” Miss Cattypants.

“Fucking hell! You don’t have a gag reflex? Fuck. I knew you were perfect. Too fucking perfect.” (loc 472)

I don’t hate men – far from it – but sometimes there are moments when I can almost understand women who do.

Hilariously, there is a Wise Older Woman in the form of a housekeeper who immediately loves Haley and approves her relationship with the boss (this is the morning after he takes her home for the first time):

“Mr. Darkling has been moping around this house for the past few years, and then today I walk in here and it’s like he’s finally woken up. I’m guessing you were the one to wake him.” (loc 546)

His name is Mr. Darkling. I am in LOLve. Is anyone else picturing Darkwing Duck right now?

Verdict: This was a pleasant enough read that I think I’ll hit the rest of the series at some point.

Something I’ve been meaning to mention as I tackle ageplay stories for the first time is that they are generally longer than the erotic stories I read (this one, for instance, runs to 71 pages), and grammatically much sounder than the average. Which makes them an enjoyable read, if you can get past grown women acting as if they don’t know why on earth they get wet when they’ve been making out with someone.

I get, I really do, the fantasy of letting go and having someone else assume responsibility for you. I also legitimately appreciate wanting to hang on to certain childish pursuits or cute clothes or favourite toys. I confess to doing all of the above. But the golly-gee-goshness of these, the breathy endless bouncy enthusiasm and hard-to-swallow complete lack of awareness, can be a little too much for me. Or perhaps that should be a Little too much. Still, there’s an undeniably pleasant sense of escapism in this story, and over all I think it’s one of my favourite finds in this subgenre.