review: Warlock’s Cove, Part Two

Title: Warlock’s Cove, Part Two

Author: Jade Astor

warlocks cove part two

WhatWhat: Vampire Cyril Beaumont continues to circle Professor Dane Forrest. Bereaved vampire Simon continues to meet a mysterious guy on the beach.

Money Quotes:

Not so the serious scholars. They’d do anything to present some breakthrough discovery to the world. Even stake and behead a vampire on Youtube, if they had to. (loc 113)

Nothing says “serious scholarship” quite like that.

He felt like he was melting. The sensation hurt deep within his long-dead chest and yet, at the same time, it gave him an improbably type of life. It was nothing short of amazing. (loc 295)

Who to the what now?

Then, with a snarl of surrender, he dropped to his knees in front of Dane and drew his palm against his lip. (loc 385)

That is a deliciously sensual image, somehow.

Verdict: It’s a soap opera, and it’s still reminding me of Dante’s Cove, but it’s a lot of fun and mildly addictive.

review: Warlock’s Cove Part One

Title: Warlock’s Cove Part One

Author: Jade Astor

warlock's cove part one

WhatWhat: Wharton’s Cove, also known as Warlock’s Cove, has a history of witchcraft, several currently-resident vampires, a new “Folkloric specialist” working at the university, and a throbbing undercurrent of gay sexuality. So in other words, it’s Dante’s Cove in print form, only one hopes it will avoid the depressing Godawful ending that had me screaming at my television in frustration.

Oops, sorry, that got a little off-topic. Apparently I am not even a little bit over how Dante’s Cove ended.

Money Quote:

It had to suck knowing your partner of almost two centuries had come to prefer a fiery death and oblivion to spending another night with you. (loc 98)

Does anyone else find themselves wondering if that’s what’ll eventually happen in the Twilight-verse, or is it just me?

Verdict: I enjoyed this, and as long as no-one ends up TRAPPED IN A FUCKING MIRROR I intend to go on enjoying future installments, even though I will have to buy those whereas I got part one for free.

Reader beware, you’re in for a boner!

Remember how I once compared Chuck Tingle to R.L.Stine?  Actually I’ve done that more than once. Yikes. My uncle was right, I really am hellbound.

Anyway. I’m delighted to see Mr. Tingle agrees. Reader beware, you’re in for a boner! is such a good tag line. Again: I need this in paperback, please.

scary stories to tingle your butt

review: The Black Masquerade

Title: Your Erotic Story: The Black Masquerade

Author: Celestia Dew

black masquerade

WhatWhat: A second-person choose-your-own-ending erotica, in which the main choices lead to werewolf sex or vampire sex (although I somehow managed to get killed by a succubus the first time I played).

Money quote:

Everyone looks perfectly average—you’re pretty sure one of the masked and tuxedoed men is your mailman but assume it would be rude to ask. (loc 36)

Verdict: It was hard to choose a “money quote” for this one, because the whole experience is lush and evocative, and no one snippet quite captures it. From the engraved invitation through the mechanics of arrival at the Black Masquerade to the non-human guests, the details are exquisite.

review: Vampire Night Bus Pounds My Butt

Title: Vampire Night Bus Pounds My Butt

Author: Chuck Tingle

vampire night bus

WhatWhat: Rick’s car got totalled, so he has to rely on Los Angeles public transit, and that’s even creepier than it sounds. A homeless guy tells him that Vlad 13, a night bus, is actually a vampire. And, to quote the expertly constructed summary on Amazon, “Soon, Rick finds himself in a gothic castle with a gay bus who want’s to suck more than just blood, in an erotic encounter that will have your heart racing.
Money Quotes:

Of course he thinks the living night bus is a vampire, this is exactly the type of racially insensitive thinking that has kept these sentient vehicles in the position they’re in, working minimum wage jobs without any real way to pull themselves out of the lower class. (loc 48)

“Welcome.” The bus says, opening the doors for me and revealing a giant entryway, which is large enough to fit the bus as he slowly wheels inside and closes the door behind us. (loc 154)

I have to say, I was relieved to see the (apparently rich) night bus could actually enter his own home. I haven’t stopped worrying about that jet plane, forever trapped outside his own mansion.

“Have you ever been with a city bus?” Vlad asks, rolling towards me slowly.

“Once.” I tell him. “In college.” (loc 192)

Verdict: I can’t say my heart actually raced, in spite of what I was promised in the summary. However, this did have a cute twist ending, and I was once again inappropriately reminded of Goosebumps. I hope there’s more in this vein (oops) from Tingle.