This is my first official DNF. There aren’t a lot of stories I don’t finish, and when I do I don’t usually mention them here at Lover, Raptor, Gentleman. Since not finishing a story is usually a matter of personal taste–a bad fit between myself and the stories kinks, tropes, or setting–it doesn’t seem worth reviewing something I just didn’t click with.
But there is a lot of Omegaverse fiction out there right now, and wading through the torrents of werewolf cum can be difficult. It’s worth weeding the field, I think. So this is my first DNF report. I’m not using the author’s name in my tags or categories, because it’s entirely possible that at some stage an editor or proofreader got onboard and improved matters, and if so, I don’t think linking other stories to this one is necessary.
But this one? Yikes.
Title: Omega: Destined to the Alpha
You know, I should have guessed from the awkwardly-worded title that there were problems ahead, but when I downloaded it I’d convinced myself that maybe there were just too many things titled “destined for the alpha” already.
Author: Aiden Bates
WhatWhat: After a blowjob and the resultant car crash, Michael wakes with a handsome stranger staring at him. He knows nothing about this man, but thinks of him as “The Alpha,” and is soon in a car with him having sex again. According to the summary on Amazon there is mpreg in this, but I quit before that point.
The Alpha looked down and his cock wriggled at the soft of the boy’s big lips wrapped around it. (loc 48)
I don’t know what’s worse: the “soft”? The wriggling cock? The fact that the mention of big lips makes me picture a young Mick Jagger?
The Alpha but the Omega’s lip and laughed. Gabriel at the electric jolt of Gabriel pinching the boy’s nipples. (loc 122)
Shaka, when the walls fell.
Their eyes met and Andy felt a burst of ecstacy move up and down his body as warm milked streamed into the boy’s mouth. (loc 55)
The man turned around and walked out with his butt shaking sensuously. (loc 81)
Sadly, this is not a sex scene:
Michael didn’t like the way this man was shoving his way in. (loc 115)
Michael found himself nesting against the man’s shoulders before he caught himself and sat his head up straight. (loc 115)
“Nesting” and “nestling” are two different words, and unless Michael’s got a beak full of twigs, that’s the wrong one in that sentence. But that fades into insignificance next to the delightful insanity of “he sat his head up straight.”
Wonders of the Insect World:
The Omega’s moth was warm and soft. (loc 55)
Verdict: For the love of kindleporn, hire an editor, or suck off someone literate in exchange for beta-reading.