Title: Deep South Wolves: Smoky Mountain Pack
Author: Kaden Mallory
WhatWhat: The Bashan Pack have moved to the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains to get further away from humans. Two young male shifters, Kage and Jason, have sex up in Jason’s new bedroom before sneaking out.
Mostly, he smelled their dinner from several hours earlier: pot roast with fresh herbs, greens out of the neglected garden, cornbread cooked in an iron skillet lined with bacon, Delilah’s dandelion tea with honey and cream. (loc 18)
Kage began to release him, then shoved back in, wet cock rubbing over Jason’s lips and cheek. Gasping, Jason followed unspoken orders by squeezing down his shaft, then licking him clean. (loc 120)
Verdict: This is more lushly written than most kindleporn, and the worldbuilding unwinds more slowly, most likely because this is the first installment of a series (there are at least five more that I’ve seen). The result is a high standard of writing, and a slight soap-opera feel as we await further developments.
I dearly wanted this one to feature a reality television hypocrite, but alas, you can’t have everything.
Dear Mr. Tingle: Could one of your next stories be about a billionaire politician named Tonald Drump?
Title: Pounded in the Butt by my Leaked Mashly Addison Data
Author: Chuck Tingle
WhatWhat: Senator Kurps Krimple has been cheating on his wife, Tilpa, with the help of website Mashly Addison. When data from the site is leaked he’s relieved but puzzled that his own information isn’t available, but then find out it’s walking around and wants to meet up…
I absolutely love my wife, but at this point she can’t satisfy me the way that a hunky, gay bigfoot can, and they are swarming Mashly Addison. (loc 31)
My data is loving every second of it, putting his binary hands on the back of my head and guiding me along, controlling the situation like only a confident, alpha cache could. (loc 221)
Verdict: This is a relatively straightforward entry in the Tingleverse. Or, possibly, my brain is just broken now and nothing seems odd anymore. That’s possible. But it’s a charming little cautionary tale (the ending is a bit of a warning to would-be cheaters), and I think “his unencrypted balls” (loc 275) is the most brilliant turn of phrase I’ve seen in a long while.
Warning, though: this is bundled with “Pounded by President Bigfoot,” so the Mashly Addison story ends at the 41% mark.
Title: Return to Brackford
Series: Brackford Hall (Book Two)
Author: Lianah Morgan
WhatWhat: Having spent two years in America, Lady Charlotte Russell returns to Brackford Hall, where she finds the attraction between herself and Cousin Andrew as strong as ever despite his marriage. When his brother-in-law Charles catches them in the act, their twosome becomes a menage, and then Charles makes Charlotte an offer she really can’t refuse (because he controls the estate).
“You saucy minx. Why won’t you set him free, or refuse him when he comes to you? I can’t help but wonder if you enjoy that he’s someone else’s husband even more than you enjoy him.” (loc 243)
Verdict: The historical setting adds immeasurably to the forbidden aspect of this, and the whole thing is delectable. Flawlessly written, so you can read it without cringing over grammatical errors and the like. This had such a “historical BBC production” feel to it that I almost recommended it to my mother before remembering the many, many reasons why I should not do that.
No, I haven’t read book one yet, though I intend to; I have some sort of disorder that invariably causes me to read series out of order. It’s extremely annoying. Honestly, the last multi-volume thing that I read in its intended order was Lady Caro Lamb’s Glenarvon.
Title: Comic Con Futanari
Author: Hayden Archer
WhatWhat: Kayla and Lacy have been roleplaying online, and it’s gotten kinda hot, so Lacey is thrilled that they’re finally meeting up in person at Comic Con. But Lucy a) has a penis and b) is an elf, and she transforms Kayla as well.
If even half the stuff she said was true, and believe me the jury was still out as to whether or not I even believed her fantastic story, how was she going to make me [a] thousand-year-old elf with a magical cock between my legs? (loc 1010)
Verdict: This is a story with a very specific appeal: not just futanari sex, but futa sex AND cosplay AND hooking up with your internet roleplay partner for semi-public sex with a risk of being exposed (and for group elf sex in a dungeon). That said, it’s a deliciously geeky story, well written and quite hot (so apparently I’m in the exact niche this is aimed at).
I’m reading this as a kind of palate cleanser, to recover from the SPAG errors in a lot of the self-pubbed erotica I read. Fannie Tucker is always entertaining and literate, so I went in with high expectations. (It’s a sad comment on my reading life that “Ravaged by the Gingerbread Man” can be described as a palate cleanser, but there you go.)
Title: Ravaged by the Gingerbread Man
Author: Fannie Tucker
WhatWhat: Kara accidentally makes 100x more of a gingerbread recipe than she intended to, so with the extra dough she makes a giant gingerbread man to use as a window display; he comes to life and strange sex ensues.
Let’s Just straight-Out Ruin Your Childhood:
“Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I’m gonna pound you, I’m the gingerbread man!”
Quibble: I know fifteen minutes is loads of time to bake regular cookies, but wouldn’t a man-sized one take longer?
…to savor the way his fat loaf felt when it rammed into her… (loc 154)
His fat loaf. Great, now I’ve been mentally scarred for life by a euphemism.
Verdict: Never trust a woman who intends to break your penis off and eat it (not in the fun way) before using you as window dressing. But seriously, this was amusing and strangely hot in spite of the nightmarishness, and now I’m hungry. It’s available on Kindle Unlimited, if you have that, and worth the cover price anyway. It ends at the 72% mark, though (location 212 of 302), and the rest of the pages are “about the author” and samples of other stories and so forth.